IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It has been noted that many people who had a big impact on the world gave themselves completely to their work and did not bother with the idea of “work-life balance”. To what extent should people try to have a good work-life balance? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #impact #world #work #idea #“work-life #balance” #work-life #balance
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It has been argued that a large number of
people
Use synonyms
 who had a big impact on the world were completely devoted to their
work
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 and did not care about the notion of
work
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-life balance. Whilst
people
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 need to be invested in their professional lives to do their
work
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 the best they can, I believe that we need to find
time
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 to be generous to others and enjoy personal moments to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
balanced mental health.
People
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 who are completely devoted to their
work
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 often have a career plan and do everything possible to be promoted to the top of the ladder, which can damage their personal and sentimental lives.
For example
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, young workers with
high responsibily
Correct your spelling
high-responsibility
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
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 focus only on their
job
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jobs
show examples
 and don't have
time
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 to be invested in a
long
Correct word choice
long-term
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 love relationship, which
let
Wrong verb form
lets
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 them
being
Wrong verb form
be
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 single for a long
time
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 .
People
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 who choose to have a balanced
work
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-life,
however
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, can enjoy personal moments with their family and friends. They take
time
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 for their loved ones.
For example
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, they organize their
work
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time
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 to pick up their children from school and do more
work
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 at home.
Additionally
Linking Words
, giving priority to
spend
Change the verb form
spending
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time
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 with relatives or friends encourages a balanced mental health. As an aside, the notion of
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work life
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
 balance is very important in New Zealand, which allows
people
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 to feel happy and
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
opened
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open
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 towards others.
Moreover
Linking Words
, sharing
time
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 between
work
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 and personal
time
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 allows
people
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 to give their free
time
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 to others .
In other words
Linking Words
, being more selfish can make them more generous.
For example
Linking Words
,spend
time
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 in charity
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
show examples
. In conclusion,
wilst
Correct your spelling
while
 we have to be invested in our
work
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 to do it the best we can, I believe that we need to care more about a
well balanced
Add a hyphen
well-balanced
show examples
 life shared between
work
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 and free
time
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 , which allows
people
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 to feel happier and healthier.
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Grammar
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Vocabulary
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Content Depth
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Structure
Good use of paragraphing to organise ideas coherently.
Introduction/Conclusion
Strong introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
Examples
Effective use of examples to support your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Well-being
  • Productivity
  • Fulfilling
  • Time management
  • Prioritize
  • Burnout
  • Boundaries
  • Dedication
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Efficiency
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