Many doctors say that people in the modern world do not exercise enough. What are the courses for this? What are the solutions to this problem?
People
in the modern world do not exercise
enough for various social, economical
, and environmental factors. Various parties may need to collaborate in order to change Replace the word
economic
this
harmful lifestyle.
Many people
are often busy
too busy to care about their health. They may Correct word choice
apply
trying
to keep up with Change the verb form
try
be trying
work
, so they may not be exercising enough depending on their careers. For example
, office workers who sit at their desk
from 9AM to 5PM may find themselves lacking the energy to do Fix the agreement mistake
desks
exercise
after a long day at work
. However
, those who have more active jobs, say a construction worker, may not have such
an issue. Another reason people
may not exercise
enough may be due to
their social life. Depending on who they interact with, they may have neither the motivation to work
on their physical fitness. For instance
, a shy person may decide not to go for a run if they cannot find a running partner who can hold them accountable to regular jogs. A factor that can lead to lack
of Correct article usage
a lack
exercise
is the environment; perhaps the neighbourhood where people
live are
not safe or comfortable for them to openly engage in Correct subject-verb agreement
is
exercise
.
To solve this
issue, the goverment
can collaborate Correct your spelling
government
local
community leaders to promote the benefits of healthy lifestyles and warn citizens about the harmful consequences of lack of Change preposition
with local
exercise
. The government can also
provide incentives to make people
take action, like offering cash coupons for engaging in at least 30 minutes of exercise
everyday
for a month. Public figures can endorse certain locations and activities for Replace the word
every day
this
, such
as fitness courses at their favourite gyms, to encourage others to join them.
In conclusion, several factors may attribute
to a person's lack of Verb problem
contribute
exercise
. Governments, local communities, and public figures can work
together to provide solutions to this
issue. However
, these initiatives may not show immediate effect so the key is to keep pushing healthy lifestyles and wait patiently for results to appear.Submitted by asllchkied on
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Accuracy
Ensure to proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical errors and typo ('busy too busy' should be 'too busy', 'goverment' should be 'government'). These minor corrections can make your essay even more polished and readable.
Detail
To enhance task achievement, aim to provide more detailed examples and data to support your arguments. While the provided examples illustrate your points, further details or statistics could strengthen your arguments and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Language Use
Consider varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of vocabulary to enrich your text. This will not only make your essay more engaging but also showcase your language proficiency.
Structure
Your essay would benefit from a clearer distinction between causes and solutions. While you've addressed both, making a more explicit separation can help the reader follow your argument more easily and improve the overall structure of your essay.
Coherence
You've done well in introducing the essay topic and presenting a coherent argument across the essay.
Content
You've effectively conveyed a range of ideas on why people may not exercise enough and proposed several relevant solutions, demonstrating a good understanding of the essay topic.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...
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