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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones.Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
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In
this
 day and age, can not decline mobile phones are essential in
community's
Correct article usage
the community's
show examples
 daily lives, so it is normal to see that most
family
Change to a plural noun
families
show examples
 spend hours with smartphones, not only
children
. As far as I’m concerned , parents give smartphones to their
children
 because both of them are working people who have a main focus on work achievement.
For
this
 reason, they rarely have time to take care of their
children
 themselves, so they choose to keep the
children
 with their phones or iPads by themselves. Sometimes when we see
children
 always using smart gadgets, maybe they feel lonely so that they have to live in an internet world and don’t have people who can force or teach them about what they watch on online streaming.
For example
, some minors watched some harmful scenes in combat movies.
This
 addiction is a worthy habit that affects the child and those around him. On the other side, guardians allow
children
 to use communication technology in an appropriate manner and there is supervision and advice to take
children
 to various activities so it makes
children
 not feel lonely. Having a smartphone could enhance kids' academic scores because they can search a videos about difficult lessons in some subject that can be easy for them to understand or find out something that he is interested in and have new ideas that have a great effect on them.
To sum up
, nowadays every technology is very significant in life
thus
, minors spend hours with it. It has several factors both positive and negative depending on the parents and the
children
 to see how they will use it.
Submitted by np.napatping on

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Introduction
Consider a clearer introductory statement that directly addresses the question themes.
Body paragraph development
Develop your main points with more specific examples and explanations to more comprehensively address the question.
Coherence
Try to more clearly delineate your paragraphs and ideas for smoother transitions and better organization.
Conclusion
Conclude your essay with a stronger summary of your key points relating to the question.
Language
Use a wider range of sentence structures and vocabulary to demonstrate your language proficiency.
Balance of discussion
Addressing both positive and negative aspects of the topic.
Personal insight
Inclusion of a personal perspective on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
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