IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Most countries are compared by their economic success. Do you think there are some other important factors that need to be taken into consideration? Give your opinion and relevant examples.

#countries #success #factors #consideration
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The economy is recognized as the most objective indicator of a nation's success.
Therefore
, countries with high GDPs are widely accepted as authoritative compared to
one
's with lower GDPs.
However
, in my opinion, statistics regarding financial data cannot represent the whole state.
This
 essay will evaluate various factors
besides
 the economy, that should
also
 be considered when deciding a country's international
status
. First of all, the quality of public service run by the government can be compared. Not all governments with sufficient money establish good public infrastructure. Take the US as an example. The US is the strongest nation in diverse criteria, including financial
status
.
However
, their public healthcare service is said to be
one
 of the poorest in the world.
Hence
, the US citizen's satisfaction rate with the government is lower than that of other nations which are weaker in aspects of
one
's economy but have a great national healthcare system,
such
 as Korea or Cuba. In conclusion, it can be argued that factors that are strongly linked to people's daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 are an important part that should be examined.
Moreover
, the public
happiness
 rate is becoming a casting vote in terms of deciding a nation's success. Many people misunderstand that wealth and
happiness
 are in a directly proportional relationship. But the reality is different from what was expected. A study revealed that Bangladesh,
one
 of the countries which has the lowest GDP had the highest
happiness
 rate of the public.
On the other hand
, the
happiness
 indicator of the public of major nations which lead the world was not necessarily higher than others.
Hence
, it is once again proven that success is not only dependent on financial
status
.
To sum up
, there is no doubt about the fact that money is an efficient quantitative measurement to compare the international
status
 of nations.
Nonetheless
, other criteria
such
 as people's satisfaction with public infrastructure and daily
happiness
status
 should be taken into consideration for more meaningful contrast.
Submitted by yelim050319 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Your essay presents a well-structured argument with a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively guiding the reader through your points. Consider deepening your argument with more varied examples to support your main points further.
cohesion
Your ideas are clearly comprehensive, contributing to a coherent discussion. However, to elevate your essay, aim to connect your points more seamlessly, ensuring each paragraph smoothly transitions into the next, enhancing the overall flow of your argument.
examples
You've successfully tackled the prompt, providing relevant examples. To further improve, try to include a wider range of examples and evidence, making your argument more robust and persuasive.
comprehensiveness
You've effectively argued that financial data alone does not represent a country's success, showcasing an understanding of the complexity of national achievement.
examples
The use of specific countries as examples (e.g., the US, Korea, Cuba, Bangladesh) helps to ground your argument in reality, making it more relatable and persuasive.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: