IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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In the modern world, it is believed that financial reserves are essential for every individual, including youngsters. Personally, I strongly agree with
this
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 statement for some reason mentioned in
this
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 essay. On the one hand, savings play an essential role in personal development, especially for young people.
Firstly
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, learning to set money aside helps to enhance financial management ability. People who save money often gradually develop the mindset of spending and investing in smart ways, which makes them better at financial management and might avoid unnecessary expenses.
In addition
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, owning an amount of reserved money allows them to have more freedom and confidence.
This
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 is because financially independent individuals do not have to rely on anyone, so they can make their own choice and pursue their desired life.
On the other hand
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, financial planning may be useful in many situations. First of all, having an emergency fund is very helpful in urgent cases like being sacked, being sick or helping family and friends. In fact,
according to
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 some surveys, about 40% of employees do not have any savings, which makes them have to lend or sell their properties to handle unexpected situations which often leads to a huge financial burden later.
Last
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 but not least, accumulated savings are necessary for long-term goals in a person’s life like studying abroad, purchasing valuable assets like a house, or a car or getting married and having children. Without a life-long plan for financial reserves, it is very hard for an ordinary person to achieve all those things.
To sum up
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, I hold a firm belief that reserving a partial income is vital for everyone in all aspects, including self-enhancement and attaining personal goals.

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coherence and cohesion
To enhance your essay in terms of coherence and cohesion, consider using more linking words or phrases to further improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This can help the reader follow your argument more naturally.
task response
For task response, adding more specific examples or data, especially in the context of young people, could make your arguments even more convincing. Real-world examples or experiences can strengthen your position and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a very clear structure with a strong introduction and conclusion that neatly ties together your main points.
task response
You have included diverse arguments, covering both personal development and practical advantages of saving, which comprehensively addresses the task.
coherence and cohesion
The ideas presented are logical and well-connected, contributing to a coherent argument throughout the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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