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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below give attendance figures for Grandville stadium from 2017 which are projected in 2030 after a major improvement project.

The charts below give attendance figures for Grandville stadium from 2017 which are projected in 2030 after a major improvement project.
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The bar graph demonstrates the number of people who visited the Grandville
Stadium
Use synonyms
 from 2017 to 2020.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the graph
also
Linking Words
 estimated the figures through 2030, following the
stadium
Use synonyms
 improvements that happened in 2019. The data is divided into three forms, namely Theater, Sporting
Events
Use synonyms
 and Concerts.
Overall
Linking Words
, in all three forms of entertainment, the attendance numbers have increased since the improvement program. In comparison with the items, sporting
events
Use synonyms
 have more audience than other kinds of pleasure. At
the
Correct article usage
apply
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first glance, sporting
events
Use synonyms
 are considered to have more attendance at nearly 150000 in 2017, as compared to the other two
events
Use synonyms
. In 2017, the number of
participation
Replace the word
participants
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for
Change preposition
in
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 the theatre was about 10000,
whereas
Linking Words
 the figure for concerts was nearly 30000. Regarding the appearance of people in 2020, it consists of around 15000 in theatre,
apply
Wrong verb form
applying
show examples
 little more than the feature for theatre for sporting
events
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and approximately 40000 for concerts. By 2030, it is predicted that almost 45000 theatregoers will attend the
stadium
Use synonyms
. For sporting
events
Use synonyms
, it is considered to have the highest number present in the
stadium
Use synonyms
 with nearly 160000.
Additionally
Linking Words
, people who visit
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the concert will reach up to 120000 in 2030.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "additionally".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words stadium, events with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 3 times.
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