IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some countries sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages to this. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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From the evidence of history,
countries
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 have used
sports
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 to take advantage of these opportunities to advertise themselves. Many argue that
this
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 is a positive trend
while
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 others claim the opposite.
This
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 essay will look at both viewpoints and present my perspective. I firmly believe that ,
however
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,
countries
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 can gain from
sports
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 , there are many other potential positive things that
sports
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 do. On the one hand, Those who are in support of
this
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 task point out that
sports
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 advertising can boost financial investments.Nations can heavily invest in
sports
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, with broadcast rights, merchandise, and sponsorships generating billions of dollars. Another possible reason is attracting many tourists
due to
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 their athletes and stadiums.
For example
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 , a large number of people visit Portugal in order to see the Real Madrid stadium, which
also
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 has positive effects on the tourism sector.
On the other hand
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 , some people hold the opinion that competitive
sports
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 can be an integral part of human society, serving various roles.
Sports
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 can ease international tension and bring together.
In other words
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, they can interrupt battles among different
countries
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.
For example
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 , the 1995 Rugby World Cup in South Africa played a crucial role in uniting a nation divided by apartheid. As a recent instance, despite the dispute between Israel and Palestine, when they contribute a competitive sport, they forget their differences and compete fair and peacefully. Tuning into various kinds of
sports
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 and watching them can bring enjoyment and excitement after a hard day of work for individuals. In conclusion, despite the benefits that
countries
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 can achieve from advertising
sports
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. I strongly believe that societal cohesion , and bringing multinational people together are surpassing advertising.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure consistency in verb tenses, especially in complex sentences. Try to avoid fragmentation in your sentences and use transition words effectively to connect ideas.
task achievement
Make clearer distinctions between your opinion and the points made. This will help in distinguishing the discussion from your own stance more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
You presented a well-structured argument with a clear introduction and conclusion, and you effectively discussed both sides of the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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