IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

: In many countries, people now living longer than before some people say that the aging population creates several problems for the government while others argue that there are benefits if society has more elderly people ? tell me advantages and disadvantages

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While
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 some argue that the increased longevity of people in most countries presents several challenges, others contend that It offers numerous advantages. I believe that the cons are significantly outweighed by the pros. One of the most significant
drawback
Change to a plural noun
drawbacks
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 associated with an
aging
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ageing
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population
Use synonyms
 is the potential strain on healthcare systems and resources. As the elderly
population
Use synonyms
 increases, there Is a higher demand for healthcare services, including long-term care, specialized treatments, and chronic disease management.
This
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 can lead to overcrowded hospitals, longer wait times, and increased healthcare costs for individuals and governments.
Furthermore
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, an
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
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population
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 may result in a shrinking workforce and a shortage of skilled workers in certain industries. As older individuals retire, there may not be enough younger workers to fill the gaps, particularly in sectors that require specialized knowledge or experience.
This
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 can hamper economic productivity and competitiveness, as businesses struggle to find qualified employees. Some individuals hold the belief that by leveraging the knowledge and wisdom of older generations, we can easily and seamlessly address the deep-rooted issues within our societal structures.
However
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, I firmly disagree with
this
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 perspective. Today, many of the challenges we face are Intricate and multifaceted in nature. They require comprehensive and multifaceted solutions that cannot be solely reliant on the wisdom of elders.I
argu
Correct your spelling
argue
 that The complexities of modern society demand a multidimensional approach that incorporates diverse perspectives, innovative thinking, and interdisciplinary collaboration.
While
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 the wisdom and experiences of older generations hold value, it is essential to recognize that societal issues often require fresh and progressive Ideas. in conclusion ,
while
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 having an elderly
population
Use synonyms
 offers a wide
rang
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range
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 of benefits , the negative aspects outweigh the positives .

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Structure & Style
Well-articulated arguments with a clear structure. Consider varying sentence structures for enhanced readability.
Argument Balance & Support
Make sure to equally discuss both advantages and disadvantages for a balanced argument. Try to offer specific examples to support your points.
Grammar & Accuracy
Review your essay for minor grammatical errors and ensure consistency in tense usage to maintain clarity and professionalism.
Introduction & Conclusion
Effective introduction and conclusion that clearly present your stance and summarize your main points.
Transitions & Linking Words
Good use of transitional phrases to maintain flow and coherence throughout the essay.
Task Response
Successfully addressed the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument, even if one side was less developed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Ageing population
  • Pension systems
  • Healthcare demand
  • Workforce demographics
  • Life expectancy
  • Economic productivity
  • Intergenerational relationships
  • Cultural heritage
  • Social services
  • Government spending
  • Skills gap
  • Public services
  • Cultural enrichment
  • Seniority advantage
  • Elder care
  • Demographic shift
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