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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Money spent on space exploration is a complete waste. Governments could better spend this money on other things to benefit the nation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #space #exploration #waste #governments #benefit #nation
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Along with
 the development of advanced technologies, scientists exploring
space
 have emerged widely and a lot of people are arguing about the financial aid which
government
 put into
space
 exploration
projects
.
Moreover
, some believe that the
government
 should spend the money on other sectors as
health
 care and infrastructure developments
instead
 of
space
projects
. I personally agree that the
government
 should spend more on
projects
 like public
health
 care and education. It is well known that the
government
 budget is finite and it is not possible for the
government
 to fund the same amount for every project at the same time. So, the
government
 should fund
projects
 based on results orientated as free public
health
 care which will have a more positive impact on the public than funding
space
 research where we cannot predict the outcome.
Moreover
, investing in educational tools
such
 as computers, school labs and libraries will have a better impact on our future generation who will lead our country one day.
On the other hand
, there is no doubt that
space
 exploration brings improvements to today's technologies and innovation.
Moreover
, there are numerous useful things developed because of massive investment in
space
 research.
For instance
, we can cite spirographic pens, microwave ovens, and satellite communication. And the best example of development is the huge evolution in advanced computers within the
last
 few decades.
To conclude
, even though investment in
space
 research brings good advantages, the
government
 should invest more in sectors like public
health
 and education for people where these areas need more urgent investments as the priority for people lies in these sectors.
Submitted by laishweyee91 on

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Task Achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your views on the importance of funding health care and education over space exploration. Real-world instances or data could enhance the persuasiveness of your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures more to improve readability and engage your readers better. Using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences can make your essay more dynamic.
Coherence & Cohesion
To strengthen coherence, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within it directly support that idea. Transition words can help guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively frame your essay and position on the topic.
Task Achievement
You successfully brought in some examples of technology advances due to space exploration, showing the benefits of such investments.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • complete waste
  • benefit the nation
  • technological advancements
  • foster
  • international cooperation
  • inspire
  • engage
  • boost the economy
  • long-term benefits
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