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Band 6

Some people believe that car-free days are effective ways to reduce air pollustion. However, others argue that there are other ways that are more effective. Discuss both vies and give your own opinion.

#people #car-free #air #pollustion
The severity of
air-pollution
Correct your spelling
air pollution
show examples
 has been highlighted over the past decade. From
this
 aspect, some opine car-free days are effective ways to reduce
air
 contamination, but
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 hold the view that there are other means that are more effective.
This
 essay will discuss both views and
then
 my opinion will be suggested. It is often pointed out that
air
 contaminations are reduced by a car-free policy. Proponents of
this
 argument suggest that an increase in the usage of public transport occurs.
This
 is because, the public who
drive
Correct subject-verb agreement
drives
show examples
 a car can stop temporarily and can utilise other transport
such
 as bus, subway, and train to visit their destinations. What is more, with a strict car-free policy, the awareness of drivers of the environment can be enhanced.
This
 obviously leads drivers to recognise the severity of
air
 pollution and
this
 in turn results in a reduction in driving cars.
Nevertheless
, some opponents insist that other ways are more effective.
Although
 the significant profits of industries cannot be ignored, businesses struggle with environmental challenges. A pertinent example of
this
 is that toxic gases released by factories have harmful effects on human and
animals
Fix the agreement mistake
animal
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healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
.
This
,
therefore
, encourages the innovation of alternative means for sustainable businesses.
Moreover
, the government can deprive of domestic emissions, since
this
 phenomenon leads to a reduction in the house usage of detrimental gas related to
air
 conditioners. To recapitulate, I believe other ways are more effective to reduce
air
 pollution because businesses struggle with environmental challenges and the government can deprive of domestic emissions.
Thus
, the government implements strong policies against
air
 pollution not only on the road but
also
 in industries and homes.
Submitted by subin12260 on

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Task Achievement
Aim to develop your examples further to directly support your points. Including more detailed examples can enhance the effectiveness of your argument.
Task Achievement
Ensure a clear distinction between your opinion and the discussion. While you present both sides effectively, strengthening your own stance will improve task response.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures to enhance readability and cohesion. Using a mix of complex and simple sentences will make your essay more engaging.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use linking phrases explicitly to connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will improve the overall flow and clarity of your argument.
Task Achievement
Your essay successfully discusses both sides of the argument and includes a conclusion that reflects your own opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction sets the topic clearly and prepares the reader for the discussion ahead.
Coherence & Cohesion
You use topic sentences effectively to begin each paragraph, helping to maintain a logical structure throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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