These days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games instead of sports. Why? Is it positive or negative development?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
There is an ongoing debate regarding whether the increasing amount of
children
Use synonyms
spending time on computer
games
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
of playing
sports
Use synonyms
is a positive or negative development. Some people believe that playing indoor activities
such
Linking Words
as computer
games
Use synonyms
,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
videos is beneficial for
children
Use synonyms
, others argue that spending too much time on the computer may have negative consequences.
Therefore
Linking Words
, before giving my opinion, I would like to discuss both perspectives. Examining the former opinion, the primary argument supporter would put forward is that
games
Use synonyms
are engineered to be highly engaging.
This
Linking Words
is because
children
Use synonyms
can be easily attracted by offer immediate rewards, continuous dopamine hits
such
Linking Words
as levelling up, unlocking items, and immersive graphics, which
sports
Use synonyms
cannot always match instantly.
In addition
Linking Words
, proponents
also
Linking Words
believe that many parents feel the outdoors is less safe
due to
Linking Words
traffic or crime, encouraging indoor play.
Additionally
Linking Words
, dense cities often lack accessible or affordable green spaces and
sports
Use synonyms
facilities.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the proponents of the latter opinion have their own arguments.
To begin
Linking Words
with, they claim that a sedentary lifestyle heavily contributes to childhood obesity, poor posture, weakened immune systems, and vision problems like eye strain on screens.
Moreover
Linking Words
, excessive gaming can lead to screen addiction, shortened attention spans, and in some cases, aggression or isolation from family members.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
games
Use synonyms
offer virtual interaction, they do not teach crucial real-world social cues, body language, or in-person conflict resolution, which are naturally developed through team
sports
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, there are convincing arguments both for and against the development of playing video
games
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I personally believe that parents should let
children
Use synonyms
be able to get in touch with both types of entertainment activities. Balance
games
Use synonyms
and
sports
Use synonyms
would allow
children
Use synonyms
comprehensive development.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both questions more clearly. Say why children choose games, and then say more clearly why you think this is mostly negative or positive.
task response
Your view at the end is not fully clear. If you think balance is best, still say if this change is mainly negative or mainly positive.
task response
Add one or two simple real examples to support your ideas. This will make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear paragraph plan, which is good. Keep this structure.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are long and not easy to follow. Use shorter sentences and simpler links like first, also, however, and finally.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each main point is explained fully before you move to the next one.
task response
You answer the topic and discuss both sides before your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are in a logical order, so the reader can follow your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • allure
  • captivate
  • supervise
  • accessible
  • scarcity
  • safer alternative
  • peer pressure
  • educational tools
  • cognitive skills
  • implications
  • obesity
  • poor posture
  • hand-eye coordination
  • problem-solving abilities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: