It is sometimes said that ‘travel broadens the mind’. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

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Some
people
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think travelling opens
people
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's minds. I do agree that travelling is the best way to learn different cultures and languages and learn how to become independent far away from home. Travelling can sometimes be dangerous in countries where peace is endangered.
Therefore
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, choosing a safe destination is the key to travel in a secure way.
For example
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, the French embassy has recently communicated the fact that it was not recommended to travel to Iran
due to
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war tension with neighbouring countries.
On the other hand
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, travel can be synonymous with adaptability by leaving your comfort zone to discover other cultures and different languages.So, when you learn something different from others, it does broaden your mind.
For instance
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, there is a French TV show which is called Rendez-vous en Terre Inconnue, which introduces a very far country from France to a celebrity with its local
people
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. The aim of that show is to learn how
people
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live on the other side of the world.
Moreover
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, travelling helps
people
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to become independent, especially young travellers who leave their parents' home. As an aside, after graduating, some students ask for a working holiday Visa in Australia, to take a year off to work and visit
this
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foreign country in order to learn how to live as adults. It helps them to manage their lives by themselves . In conclusion, whilst travelling can sometimes be dangerous depending on the destination, I believe that it does broaden your mind by knowing different cultures and languages and knowing how to become independent as well.
Submitted by leared on

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Task Achievement
Consider expanding on the ways in which travel can be dangerous, to offer a more nuanced view contrasting the benefits.
Coherence & Cohesion
Introduce a wider range of connecting phrases to improve the flow between ideas, which enhances cohesion and coherence.
Task Achievement
Clarify your stance more explicitly in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion to strengthen your argument and make your viewpoint clearer to the reader.
Task Achievement
You provided relevant, specific examples to support your points, such as the French TV show and the working holiday Visa in Australia, which makes your essay more engaging and convincing.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay's structure is clear and logical, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, facilitating the reader's understanding.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your argument, reinforcing the idea that travel broadens the mind while acknowledging the potential dangers.
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