It is sometimes said that ‘travel broadens the mind’. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

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Some

people

Use synonyms

think travelling opens

people

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's minds. I do agree that travelling is the best way to learn different cultures and languages and learn how to become independent far away from home. Travelling can sometimes be dangerous in countries where peace is endangered.

Therefore

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, choosing a safe destination is the key to travel in a secure way.

For example

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, the French embassy has recently communicated the fact that it was not recommended to travel to Iran

due to

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war tension with neighbouring countries.

On the other hand

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, travel can be synonymous with adaptability by leaving your comfort zone to discover other cultures and different languages.So, when you learn something different from others, it does broaden your mind.

For instance

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, there is a French TV show which is called Rendez-vous en Terre Inconnue, which introduces a very far country from France to a celebrity with its local

people

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. The aim of that show is to learn how

people

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live on the other side of the world.

Moreover

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, travelling helps

people

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to become independent, especially young travellers who leave their parents' home. As an aside, after graduating, some students ask for a working holiday Visa in Australia, to take a year off to work and visit

this

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foreign country in order to learn how to live as adults. It helps them to manage their lives by themselves . In conclusion, whilst travelling can sometimes be dangerous depending on the destination, I believe that it does broaden your mind by knowing different cultures and languages and knowing how to become independent as well.

Submitted by leared on Tue Apr 30 2024

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Task Achievement

Consider expanding on the ways in which travel can be dangerous, to offer a more nuanced view contrasting the benefits.

Coherence & Cohesion

Introduce a wider range of connecting phrases to improve the flow between ideas, which enhances cohesion and coherence.

Task Achievement

Clarify your stance more explicitly in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion to strengthen your argument and make your viewpoint clearer to the reader.

Task Achievement

You provided relevant, specific examples to support your points, such as the French TV show and the working holiday Visa in Australia, which makes your essay more engaging and convincing.

Coherence & Cohesion

Your essay's structure is clear and logical, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, facilitating the reader's understanding.

Coherence & Cohesion

Your conclusion effectively summarizes your argument, reinforcing the idea that travel broadens the mind while acknowledging the potential dangers.

7
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

260 words

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