In many societies, there is a growing emphasis on individualism, with people prioritizing their personal goals and desires over collective interests. Is this is a positive or negative development?
It is undeniable that individualism has increased significantly among societies for the reason of increasing personal performance. Whether
this
phenomenon is either positive or negative is questionable. I believe, however
, that it could have a positive impact on people’s lives. This
essay will extensively outline why this
could be a positive occurrence.
To begin
with, the reason why I tend to believe this
brings some positive things is that it can increase achievement if someone can focus on the self over the common interest. People who have higher levels of achievement are generally more satisfied in life. By achieving satisfaction in life someone becomes happier and has a good quality of life. As a
result
one will gain independence and confidence in doing things. Add a comma
result,
For example
, someone who is in trouble can solve their problems with good emotional intelligence.
Another reason why I think this
has a positive development is that It can increase a country's economic growth amidst the current global economic downturn. individuals
who are successful in their business, this
is because individuals
prioritize personal development over others. As a result
, a person has better performance in entrepreneurship which can encourage business expansion. For example
, a successful entrepreneur who has many branches in his business opens job vacancies. This
can create jobs and stimulate the country's economic growth.
In conclusion, it seems to me that this
brings
a beneficial impact on Verb problem
has
individuals
and society because people who have emotional intelligence in themselves and individuals
who are successful in their businesses contribute to the economy of the country.Submitted by bonarpasaribuu on
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Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear and well-structured argument on the benefits of individualism. To further improve, you might consider addressing potential counterarguments to provide a more balanced view and deepen the analysis.
Coherence & Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, linking words and transitional phrases are effectively used, but ensure that each paragraph flows seamlessly into the next. Consider adding more varied connecting phrases to enhance readability.
Structure
The introduction and conclusion are well developed, framing your argument effectively.
Examples
Your essay effectively uses examples to support your points, making your argument more convincing.
Logical Structure
You have a strong logical structure, helping the reader to follow your argument effortlessly.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite