In many societies, there is a growing emphasis on individualism, with people prioritizing their personal goals and desires over collective interests. Is this is a positive or negative development?

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It is undeniable that individualism has increased significantly among societies for the reason of increasing personal performance. Whether

this

Linking Words

phenomenon is either positive or negative is questionable. I believe,

however

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, that it could have a positive impact on people’s lives.

This

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essay will extensively outline why

this

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could be a positive occurrence.

To begin

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with, the reason why I tend to believe

this

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brings some positive things is that it can increase achievement if someone can focus on the self over the common interest. People who have higher levels of achievement are generally more satisfied in life. By achieving satisfaction in life someone becomes happier and has a good quality of life.

As a

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result

Add a comma

result,

show examples

one will gain independence and confidence in doing things.

For example

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, someone who is in trouble can solve their problems with good emotional intelligence. Another reason why I think

this

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has a positive development is that It can increase a country's economic growth amidst the current global economic downturn.

individuals

Use synonyms

who are successful in their business,

this

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is because

individuals

Use synonyms

prioritize personal development over others.

As a result

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, a person has better performance in entrepreneurship which can encourage business expansion.

For example

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, a successful entrepreneur who has many branches in his business opens job vacancies.

This

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can create jobs and stimulate the country's economic growth. In conclusion, it seems to me that

this

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brings

Verb problem

has

show examples

a beneficial impact on

individuals

Use synonyms

and society because people who have emotional intelligence in themselves and

individuals

Use synonyms

who are successful in their businesses contribute to the economy of the country.

bonarpasaribuuTue Apr 30 2024

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Task Achievement

Your essay presents a clear and well-structured argument on the benefits of individualism. To further improve, you might consider addressing potential counterarguments to provide a more balanced view and deepen the analysis.

Coherence & Cohesion

For coherence and cohesion, linking words and transitional phrases are effectively used, but ensure that each paragraph flows seamlessly into the next. Consider adding more varied connecting phrases to enhance readability.

Structure

The introduction and conclusion are well developed, framing your argument effectively.

Examples

Your essay effectively uses examples to support your points, making your argument more convincing.

Logical Structure

You have a strong logical structure, helping the reader to follow your argument effortlessly.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

259 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

fosters
innovation
autonomy
align with
excessive
social isolation
community bonds
solely
social classes
entrepreneurship
economic development
empathy
societal cohesion
collective well-being
vulnerable

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In many societies, there is a growing emphasis on individualism, with people prioritizing their personal goals and desires over collective interests. Is this is a positive or negative development?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

You are working for an international company and you would like to request time off for a family event. Write a letter to your boss Explaining what the celebration is Asking for the time off Explaining how you can get work done when you take time off

Some children spend every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Many people try to create a balance between their professional life and their personal life. However, very few are able to achieve such a balance. What problems stop people from achieving a work-life balance? How can these problems be overcome?

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.