IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shred freely. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Science plays an essential role in human life and a majority of
people
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 think that it is a good idea to give
knowledge
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 about scientific exploration.
However
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, others believe that just giving short
information
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 is more effective but I will discuss both sides with my point of view in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, in
this
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 modern era,
people
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 are active and they want to take as much
knowledge
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 regarding each field. Scientific study is more valuable for them because they can easily understand technology which is growing day by day. If they have
information
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 and know how to use new projects
then
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 mankind will feel more confident in their life. To illustrate it, in the
last
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 month 9th of April, the solar escape came, and scientists gave
knowledge
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 before starting it.
Due to
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 having
information
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people
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 were prepared to watch it and without any doubt, it was a wonderful experience for them.
Thus
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 can say that it proves a boon for them because of having more
information
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.
Nevertheless
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, every coin has two faces, here are some other points about it.
However
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,
this
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 is important to conduct more scientific studies if
people
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 have less
knowledge
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 about it
then
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 it will
also
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 be helpful for them because everyone does not have enough time for research.
For example
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, older
people
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 did not have any tools
such
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 as mobile phones and other things where they get
information
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 about new things they had just the necessary details that were convenient for them.
Therefore
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, some
information
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 is
also
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 pleasant and they are used in their daily life. In conclusion,
although
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people
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 do not have enough time they will be likely to take more
information
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. In my opinion, scientific study is a core thing in
this
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 era because competition is rising in each nation and
people
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 want to gain
information
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 and have
also
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 the privilege of getting it.

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Task Achievement
You've done a good job of presenting both views on the topic and your own opinion, making for a complete response. To further improve, aim to delve deeper into each viewpoint, providing more detailed analysis and examples.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay benefits from a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs for each view, and a conclusion. To enhance coherence, consider more effective use of linking phrases to better connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
Task Achievement
While you provide examples to support your points, such as the solar eclipse incident, try to include more varied and specific examples that directly support your main arguments. This will strengthen your essay's persuasiveness.
General
Pay attention to the accuracy and variety of your language. Some sentences could be made clearer or more grammatically precise. This refinement can elevate the overall quality of your writing and better showcase your ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
You provide a clear overall structure and make an effort to include an introduction and conclusion, which effectively frames your essay.
Task Achievement
Your essay demonstrates an understanding of the task by discussing both sides of the argument and offering your own opinion, which is commendable.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Scientific research
  • Academic world
  • Information sharing
  • Innovation
  • Progress
  • Accessible
  • Discoveries
  • Global issues
  • Education
  • Equal opportunities
  • Sensitive information
  • Privacy
  • Security
  • Intellectual property
  • Confidential data
  • Misuse
  • Misinterpretation
  • Misinformation
  • Ethical issues
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