Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shred freely. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Science plays an essential role in human life and a majority of
people
think that it is a good idea to give
knowledge
about scientific exploration.
However
, others believe that just giving short
information
is more effective but I will discuss both sides with my point of view in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
with, in
this
modern era,
people
are active and they want to take as much
knowledge
regarding each field. Scientific study is more valuable for them because they can easily understand technology which is growing day by day. If they have
information
and know how to use new projects
then
mankind will feel more confident in their life. To illustrate it, in the
last
month 9th of April, the solar escape came, and scientists gave
knowledge
before starting it.
Due to
having
information
people
were prepared to watch it and without any doubt, it was a wonderful experience for them.
Thus
can say that it proves a boon for them because of having more
information
.
Nevertheless
, every coin has two faces, here are some other points about it.
However
,
this
is important to conduct more scientific studies if
people
have less
knowledge
about it
then
it will
also
be helpful for them because everyone does not have enough time for research.
For example
, older
people
did not have any tools
such
as mobile phones and other things where they get
information
about new things they had just the necessary details that were convenient for them.
Therefore
, some
information
is
also
pleasant and they are used in their daily life. In conclusion,
although
people
do not have enough time they will be likely to take more
information
. In my opinion, scientific study is a core thing in
this
era because competition is rising in each nation and
people
want to gain
information
and have
also
the privilege of getting it.
Submitted by harmanpreetkang20 on

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Task Achievement
You've done a good job of presenting both views on the topic and your own opinion, making for a complete response. To further improve, aim to delve deeper into each viewpoint, providing more detailed analysis and examples.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay benefits from a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs for each view, and a conclusion. To enhance coherence, consider more effective use of linking phrases to better connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
Task Achievement
While you provide examples to support your points, such as the solar eclipse incident, try to include more varied and specific examples that directly support your main arguments. This will strengthen your essay's persuasiveness.
General
Pay attention to the accuracy and variety of your language. Some sentences could be made clearer or more grammatically precise. This refinement can elevate the overall quality of your writing and better showcase your ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
You provide a clear overall structure and make an effort to include an introduction and conclusion, which effectively frames your essay.
Task Achievement
Your essay demonstrates an understanding of the task by discussing both sides of the argument and offering your own opinion, which is commendable.

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