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Band 5

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today.

#plans #show #park #first
The maps show recreation area facilities, consisting of two gates; the upper one for Arnold Avenue and below for Eldon Street, flowers, water
feature
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features
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,
performing
Correct article usage
a performing
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 area, and places to sit. I will discuss the changes
occurred
Correct pronoun usage
that occurred
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 during the present moment compared to the time when Grange
Park
 was
initially
 established.
To begin
 with, let us consider the location of the attributes in the top diagram. The centre of the
park
 is a fountain. Three other garden attractions were a small lake with aquatic plants, spaces for growing roses and a hothouse. These natural attractions were placed near the boundary of the
park
. Two rose gardens were at the top left and right hand of the map, similar
with
Change preposition
to
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 the other one from the Eldon Street side.
Likewise
, a glasshouse was located nearly at the bottom doors.
Finally
, for enjoying music, there is a round, open building on the left with seating not far away. Moving on
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 bottom map, giving more recognition towards
youngster
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youngsters
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 and people in general, the
park
 has been modernized since the advent of
amphitheatre
Add an article
the amphitheatre
an amphitheatre
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, children’s playground and coffee shops. Unfortunately, the fountain has been replaced by a square of rose gardens with grouped seats, and the pond is brought to the bottom right corner.
On the contrary
, the
park
 has added a new entrance and an underground car
park
. In conclusion, there have been many developments throughout the years.
Numbers
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Number
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 of attractions were added. Some of the
olds
Correct your spelling
old ones
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 are removed or replaced. The new adjustment may eventually lead to more visitors visiting the
park
.
Submitted by nugentsr on

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task achievement
Ensure all relevant information from the maps is included, focusing on both the similarities and changes over time.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices effectively to help the essay flow more naturally.
task achievement
Integrate more specific examples or details from the maps to support your analysis.
coherence cohesion
Try to clearly distinguish between past and present features to avoid confusion.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your essay.
task achievement
You have made a good attempt to describe the changes that occurred in the park over time.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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