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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#world #adults #home #children #study #technology #development
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Recently, there has been a rise in the number of people who opt to remotely work or study at home rather than go to specialized institutions for cost-savings and accessibility of technology.
This
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 writer will explore both positive and negative aspects before giving a certain conclusion on
this
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 phenomenon. On the one hand, working and studying from home supply individuals with various merits. The first point to be considered is the limitation in productivity. Working in the same environment with colleagues promotes people to prove themselves better as the aggressiveness and competition would be more notable.
This
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 means there is less motivation and spirit, making them unwilling to strive for their career.
Likewise
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, adolescents may find learning at home tedious which
consequently
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 deprives their enthusiasm.
Moreover
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, interaction, which plays a vital role in fulfilling a kid’s acquisition, would be enhanced when participating in face-to-face classes
while
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 it is less likely to be achieved in online courses. During an online lesson, the educator is incapable of monitoring the class to grasp the general situation to provide the students with timely support.
Hence
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, it is
such
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 a challenging approach for teachers to ensure young learners with quality lectures via digital platforms.
On the other hand
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, pupils and employees,
however
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, can benefit from
this
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 development. For those who have been struggling with their task for numerous reasons. Obviously, learners and their parents now conveniently choose how to absorb new knowledge through the Internet.
For instance
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, online lessons and digital materials are availably used by pupils of all ages anytime and anywhere.
Similarly
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,
this
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 helps motivate diverse participants in schools as for technology’s connection.
This
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 working format
also
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 supplies workers with changeable timetables to accomplish their tasks, making them more efficient and flexible. Admittedly,
while
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 remote work and acquisition offer significant merits relevant to cost-effectiveness, the adverse impacts on learning spirit and competition cannot be overlooked.
Therefore
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, those who work or study at certain institutions are expected to perform better than their counterparts.
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task achievement
To improve task response, ensure that you fully address all parts of the task. You have done a good job of exploring both positive and negative aspects, but the essay could benefit from a more balanced discussion and perhaps a more definitive conclusion about whether this trend is ultimately positive or negative.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, work on making your transitions between ideas smoother. For example, instead of starting a paragraph with 'On the other hand,' consider contextualizing the transition to make the flow of ideas more natural.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively outlines the scope of the essay and gives a clear idea of what will be discussed.
relevant specific examples
The essay includes some relevant examples, such as the mention of online lessons and digital materials, which add depth to the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • remote work
  • e-learning
  • accessibility
  • inclusive
  • productivity
  • personalized learning
  • disciplined routine
  • interpersonal skills
  • cybersecurity
  • sustainability
  • work-life balance
  • physical disabilities
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