In many countries paying for things using mobile phones (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages?

In the world's modern society, smartphones might be a necessary part of living survival because people use them for most of every transaction purchase.
This
essay will illustrate the benefits outweigh the drawbacks regarding
this
progressive development with some described instances.
To begin
with,in the past,most people who are boomer generation prefer paying by cash because they believe in the physical value of money. Nowadays, developments in mobile phone functions productively facilitate any financial transaction
such
as paying electronic bills, online purchasing, and individual saving. To exemplify
this
statement, the public needs to carry an amount of adequate cash to buy a new car in the past.
Nevertheless
,buying a new vehicle by transferring payment from
a
Correct determiner usage
one
show examples
bank account to
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
show examples
which takes a few seconds to complete is simple in
this
era. So,
this
is obvious that
this
function of smartphone is conveniently supportive of daily purchasing activity with the small-developed gadget.
Second,
avoiding the loss of physical notes is another factor of technological improvement;
thus
,
this
has been developed to alleviate the problem,which encourages people to have less cash in hand.
Conversely
, using mobile phones for financial transactions might be not appropriate for everyone,especially the elderly who are out of date with new technology. Most of the older generations,who are over 60 years old, cannot use profound features of the applications because they rarely know how to use them compared to new ages.
For example
, the older still prefer using physical bills rather than electronics
due to
getting used to it for many decades.
Furthermore
, if the phone is not working any financial features might not be able to be used at that period of time, so
this
is
also
an outstanding weakness of new advancement.
To conclude
, I personally think that the potential benefits outnumber the drawbacks with regard to
this
innovation.
However
, individuals who obtain advantages the most might know how to adapt to align with their style of life.
Submitted by phanphetpor on

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Task Achievement
In your introduction, while sufficiently clear, try to provide a more directly competing comparison of advantages and disadvantages to instantly guide the reader about your stance.
Coherence & Cohesion
Be sure to diversify your linking words to add complexity to your argument structure. This can elevate the overall cohesion of your essay.
Task Achievement
Consider including a wider range of examples, especially in areas where your arguments could be grounded more realistically to everyday scenarios. This will strengthen your task achievement score.
Task Achievement
When discussing the disadvantages, include more elaborated scenarios or statistics to solidify your argument and create a more balanced view.
Task Achievement
You have effectively illustrated the benefits and provided examples, showing a good understanding of the essay's requirements.
Coherence & Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay, with clear paragraphs dedicated to each main point, enhances the readability and argument flow.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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