For some people, shopping is not just about buying what is necessary, but is a form of entertainment. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#people #form #entertainment #development

It is thought that shopping can be interpreted as a sort of entertainment, people are not only buying necessary things for living. In the following paragraphs, both a positive and negative effect of shopping will be outlined before reaching my opinion.

To begin

with, people buy goods for their living not for entertaining. They have a particular reason to buy necessary goods,

for instance

, mobile phones and food. In the present, communities tend to use phones to communicate and stay updated,

besides

, surfing for information and knowledge within a second.

Moreover

, They

also

spend cash on food every day as they need to consume for their lives and recharge their strength before returning to their

work

again.

On the other hand

, people use their money

Change preposition

for

show examples

what they want or need can make them feel satisfied and relaxed. It may be considered as a reward for their hard

work

which gives them tons of stress throughout the period.

For example

, after individuals have put a lot of effort into their

work

and done overtime every weekday. They

finally

get their income to buy a newly released phone which has new functions

such

as AI systems or new features.

Additionally

, going to find a Michelin-starred restaurant which serves delicious dishes to fulfil their dreams with their families or colleagues. All in all, I believe that using money in the form of entertainment outweighs necessary. As we can spend our cash to purchase what we desire to please ourselves, meantime, it can be clarified as rewards after a long period of hard

work

Submitted by nnatthinee on Wed May 01 2024

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coherence cohesion

To enhance your essay, consider diversifying the transitions between paragraphs for smoother flow. While your structure is clear, more varied sentence connectors could improve readability and cohesion.

task achievement

While your examples are relevant, developing them further with more detail or exploring their implications could strengthen your argument. This will also help in achieving a higher score in task achievement.

task achievement

When presenting arguments, especially in a 'discuss both views' essay, ensure that your opinion is clearly stated and distinct. This involves not just stating your view in the conclusion but also integrating it effectively throughout the essay.

coherence cohesion

You have provided a clear structure, with a recognizable introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which helps in understanding your arguments well.

task achievement

Your essay presents a balanced view on the topic, discussing both the positive and negative aspects of shopping as entertainment, before providing a clear opinion. This comprehensive approach is commendable.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

261 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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For some people, shopping is not just about buying what is necessary, but is a form of entertainment. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

As children become adults, their social behaviour changes in some ways. What are the main differences between young children’s social behaviour and that of adults? To what extent are the changes that take place good?

Food travels thousands of miles from farmers to consumers. Some people think that it would be better for our environment and economy if people consumed locally produced foods. To what extent do the advantages of this would outweigh the disadvantages?

In many countries, mainly tourists, but not local people, visit museums and historical sites. Why does this happen? What can be done to attract more local people to visit places?

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answeers and include relevant examples from your own knowlwdge or experience.