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Band 5.5

Some people feel the best way to reduce the number of accidents on the road is to further limit the speed of vehicles. Others think that there are better ways to tackle this issue. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #accidents #road #limit #vehicles
In the modern era, some individuals believe that
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 adopting stringent
laws
 on speed
limit
Fix the agreement mistake
limits
show examples
, the rate of
collisions
 can be decreased
while
 others think there are better ways. I personally think that a blend of both can tackle
this
 problem which I'm going to explain more in the rest of
this
 essay.
To begin
 with, driving at
illegal
Correct article usage
an illegal
show examples
 speed is something dangerous and popular. Most car accidents occur because of overspeeding all around the world and It is getting more popular every day.
Hence
, a practical way to tackle it is to institute strict rules on that and to
get
Verb problem
make
show examples
 sure that nobody will break those rules by installing new cameras everywhere.
For example
,
Japanese
Add an article
the Japanese
show examples
 government has reduced the rate of
collisions
 in the country by 23 per cent just by determining tough punishments for those who break overspeeding
laws
.
Additionally
, some fellas want to experience some excitement and because of
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 they drive so fast
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 strict
laws
 can tackle that.
In addition
 to adopting safety regulations, there are other ways to decrease the quantity of
collisions
.
Firstly
, car manufacturers should equip their cars
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 AI to
hinder
Verb problem
prevent
show examples
drivers
 from infringing on any rule. In Tesla cars,
for example
, if
drivers
 talk to their phones
while
 driving, their cars will be stopped automatically.
Secondly
, governments should make good-quality roads which are not rough and help
drivers
 to have full control over their vehicles.
Finally
, only good
drivers
 should be able to get a license to drive a vehicle and companies should be strict about that.
To conclude
,
besides
 the
laws
 related to speed, there are several ways to combat the problem of road
collisions
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 I think a combination of them can be beneficial.
Submitted by yasinisback8 on

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Supporting Details
You have presented a well-organized essay with a clear introduction and conclusion. To improve, ensure that all your main points are fully developed and supported with more specific examples or evidence.
Linking Words
For coherence, make sure each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. Using a wider range of linking words could further improve the readability and connection between ideas.
Example Usage
To elevate your task achievement score, incorporate more detailed examples that specifically illustrate your points. These examples should clearly support your argument and demonstrate a deep understanding of the topic.
Task Response
Your essay effectively discusses both views and provides a reasoned personal opinion, which aligns with the task requirements.
Structure
You've successfully used paragraphs to structure your essay, making it easier to follow. Consider varying your sentence lengths and structures for enhanced readability.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proponents
  • averting
  • collisions
  • fatalities
  • awareness
  • infrastructure
  • pedestrian zones
  • distracted driving
  • enforcement
  • penalties
  • compliance
  • culture of road safety
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