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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many museums charge for admission while others are free . Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages .

#museums #charge #admission #outweigh
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Many museums require buying a ticket to enter;
however
Linking Words
, others do not ask for money. In
this
Linking Words
 report, I will go through the merits and demerits, and
then
Linking Words
 allow me to share my point of view. Paid tickets are profitable, strategic, and beneficial.
Firstly
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, many countries depend on their culture and antiques to expand their economy;
as a consequence
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, it is essential to pay money to see the remnants.
For example
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, a study illustrated that tourists and cultural facilities are the main financial sources for a lot of countries, so stopping
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 will affect the whole population.
Secondly
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, many fairs get their budget from visitors. For
further
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 explanation, reports indicate that some private facilities need the tourists to give them money so that they can restruct the building, and develop their services.
Although
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 the points mentioned above are strong, there are adverse points which hold equal strength. Museums are entertaining places, as both citizens and tourists would like to go, so making them free is important so that everyone can be entertained. A survey captured that many poor people find it hard to visit every entertainment facility because of their limited budget, so to support those who suffer from poverty visiting museums should be free.
Moreover
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, they present the cultures, traditions, and customs of a certain country, and the country's culture is a significant part of its identity, so they should allow everyone to enter there; whatever their status. In conclusion, there are many positives
as well as
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 negatives of
this
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 trend;
however
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, I believe that the advantages surpass the disadvantages
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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a singular main idea for clarity.
Task Achievement
Introduce examples more specifically related to the topic to strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider refining transition sentences for smoother flow between paragraphs.
Logical Structure
Structured format with clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
Task Achievement
Addresses both sides of the argument effectively.
Supported Main Points
Use of examples to support arguments, though more specificity could enhance this.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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