IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In the future, people may no longer be able to pay things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phone. Do you think this will happen one day? Why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash?

#future #people #shops #cash #payments #card #phone
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Many feel that
people
 will not carry cash on hand whenever they go shopping or make a payment on their purchases in the future since all transactions will be made by Credit card or Debit card or using mobile banking
instead
. The essay will examine why
this
trend
 will happen in the future and why some individuals will not be satisfied with
this
trend
. I strongly believe that
this
trend
 will be happening in the future
due to
 its safety and security. When the COVID-19 pandemic comes,
people
 have to keep a distance from other
people
 surrounding them because of the virus infection through touching and communication. In order to reduce the number of infections,
people
 have to use
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cashless. Many banks have invented their applications to serve
people
's needs,
therefore
, they can keep their distance from others by transferring via mobile banking. As can be seen the
benefits
 of using online payment nowadays various banks tend to use it in their service.
Furthermore
, another reason benefit of cashless is financial management, users can check their monthly or annual expenses on each category of their expenditures, which
benefits
 them to manage their financial expenses effectively. Despite the
benefits
 of cashless, some
people
 might not be satisfied with
this
trend
, especially older
people
. When they visit the grocery stores, some places do not accept cash since they accept only credit cards or debit cards. Elderly
people
 are typically unsatisfied with it
due to
 most of them carry physical money with them.
Consequently
, there are a number of unhappy to use online payment. In conclusion, it is true that
although
 online transactions provide valuable
benefits
,
such
 as safety, security, and financial control, there is
also
lead
Verb problem
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unhappiness among some
people
, particularly elderly
people
due to
 their habits.
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task achievement
The essay provides a good response to the task, but make sure to include more specific examples and evidence to support the main points.
task achievement
Try to ensure that the ideas are developed more fully with clear explanations to make the response more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Work on making transitions between paragraphs smoother to improve the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
There are minor issues with clarity in some sentences; focusing on sentence structure will help in making the argument clearer.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly sets up the topic and outlines the main points that will be discussed.
introduction conclusion present
The essay ends with a well-summarized conclusion that addresses the main arguments presented.
supported main points
The argument on the benefits of a cashless society is stated clearly with appropriate reasoning.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cashless society
  • digital payment systems
  • financial institutions
  • transparency
  • illegal activities
  • privacy reasons
  • digital trace
  • technologically challenged
  • cybersecurity threats
  • technical failures
  • cultural attachments
  • resistant to change
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