IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

For some people, shopping is not just about buying what is necessary, but is a form of entertainment. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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A considerable amount of
people
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 think that shopping is an entertainment source for them
instead
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 of shopping the essential things.
According to
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 me, there are many disadvantages to
this
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 opinion which is a waste of
money
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 and
time
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. There are several negative aspects of shopping for just their recreation because
people
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 spend large amounts of
money
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 on things or products whether it is required for them or not.
For example
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, In India, there is famous news about one child
that he
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 spent
money
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 of thousand dollars only for his happiness from his personal account in one day.
Due to
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this
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 reason, his family faced difficulties because they saved that
money
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 for his education and for a better future.
In addition
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, utilize the
money
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 for helping others not for shopping as their leisure.
Secondly
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,
this
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 is
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of
time
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 as well,
due to
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this
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 fact,
people
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 need to get enough
time
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 from the schedule which they can utilize for other activities.
For example
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, my sister prefers to buy clothes in a particular store so she personally visits to mall which is one hour away from our home.
This
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 is how she wastes a lot of
time
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.
Moreover
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, In recent times,
time
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 is
money
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 so
people
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 need to spend with awareness and can spend on other activities
such
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 as gym, meditation etc. In conclusion, many
people
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 believe that shopping is fun for them but in my opinion, they are wasting their
money
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 and
time
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. They should utilize the
money
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 and
time
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 in their beneficial activities.

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logical structure
To enhance your score, develop a more structured approach by including a clear introduction that outlines your argument, body paragraphs that delve deeply into your reasons with more detailed examples, and a concise conclusion summarizing your viewpoint.
logical structure
Integrate a variety of linking words to better connect your ideas and paragraphs, ensuring a smoother flow of information.
supported main points
Clarify and expand on your main points by providing more detailed examples and explanations. This will help in expressing clear, comprehensive ideas and making your argument more convincing.
clear comprehensive ideas
Look to provide a balanced discussion on the topic, considering both perspectives before reaching a conclusion. This will demonstrate a full understanding of the task.
relevant specific examples
You effectively used an example to support your argument, which helps in illustrating your point.
complete response
Your essay presents a clear opinion, contributing to a complete response to the task given.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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