Nowadays there is an increase in social problems involving young people because more parents spent time at work than with their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer

In today's world, many parents spend more
time
at work rather than spending
time
with their
children
and
teenagers
feel alone.
This
essay totally agrees that young
people
's social
problems
have rapidly increased. There are several drawbacks to their academic life and mental health.
Firstly
,
this
negatively affects young
people
's mental development.
For instance
, many
teenagers
spend
time
with themselves at home because their parents work much more than usual because of that
children
think that they are not loved by their families.
Also
, youngsters can suffer from anxiety and depression, which negatively affects their personal life and they cannot be able to easily communicate with
people
.
Therefore
, if
children
feel alone, their mental state can be affected in a negative way.
Secondly
, young
people
can be bad at school.
For example
, if they are not mentally stable,
teenagers
cannot study their lessons because they always think their family and
children
cannot focus on lectures, and
as a result
, they will get bad scores on exams.
Moreover
, they cannot achieve their goals because they always struggle with
problems
in the academy.
Thus
, young
people
's psychology affects their academic success. In conclusion, there are some serious
problems
for young
people
who cannot spend
time
with their parents. It is clearly stated that spending
time
at work rather than with their
children
affects them in a bad way. If families do not change their behaviours, their offspring can spend their entire lives with mental
problems
, they will take advice from psychology and maybe they can use antidepression when
teenagers
grow up.
Submitted by atakantemizkan0 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance coherence, aim for more varied transitional phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will help your essay flow even more smoothly, making it easier for the reader to follow.
Task Achievement
For task achievement, consider expanding your arguments with a wider range of examples and deeper analysis. This will help provide a more comprehensive view and strengthen your position.
Task Achievement
While your essay presents a strong stance, incorporating a brief discussion of the opposing viewpoint could add depth to your analysis, showcasing your ability to engage with different perspectives.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction sets a clear premise for the essay, effectively guiding the reader to understand your viewpoint.
Task Achievement
You've successfully supported your main points with relevant examples and explanations, making your argumentation strong.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: