For some people, shopping is not just about buying what is necessary, but is a form of entertainment. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#people #form #entertainment #development

Shopping is a renowned activity done by folks in

this

modern world.

However

, it introduces a lot of concerns depending on people's perspectives

while

having

this

trend among them.

Therefore

, visiting malls on a regular basis does not merely fulfil their needs and what they want meanwhile it is a way of enjoying their leisure moment.In

this

essay, my contention will be

further

elaborated with its merits or demerits

along with

a logical conclusion. Ostensibly,there are ample benefits for societies to have

this

scenario. The first and foremost one is it contributes to enhancing the community's development. To explain it, money used by crowds to buy different items could lead to a boost in the market growth of that country

as a consequence

it makes the natives economically and financially strong.

Secondly

, on behalf of the public's personal interests shopping could assist them reduce their stress and enjoying their pace

while

they are on their way to shopping centres to persuade it.

As a result

, it is a kind of recreational thing to spend occasion with families and friends.

However

, no doubt it could be great to spend hours and money on shopping but it has its drawbacks that should not be neglected.

This

notion brings more inclusion for middle-class nations

due to

the lack of their budget it can be more complicated for them to compete with high-standard societies in case of status issues.

Additionally

, society is wasting their savings

while

buying unnecessary goods.

This

money they can use on volunteer work by helping needy populations so they could able to survive well. In conclusion, I would like to say shopping is not a bad thing to do of course it could give joy to someone but there will be some limitations on it that should be imperative for the

overall

country's success and development.

Submitted by kaurbhagwant95 on Thu May 02 2024

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task achievement

Ensure a clearer, more explicit thesis statement that directly addresses the question of whether shopping as entertainment is positive or negative.

task achievement

Increase specificity and relevance of examples to strengthen arguments and task response.

coherence cohesion

Improve sentence structure and punctuation to aid reading flow and coherence.

coherence cohesion

Use more cohesive devices and clearer paragraphing to link ideas smoothly across the essay.

task achievement

Engages with the topic providing both sides of the argument, acknowledging complexities.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, framing the essay effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

302 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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For some people, shopping is not just about buying what is necessary, but is a form of entertainment. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Many people believe that mobile phones cause more harms than the benefits and that’s why mobile phones should be restricted? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some countries younger people are increasingly losing interest in teaching. Why is this happening? What can be done to improve the situation? Give reasons for your answers and include examples from your own experience.

Many criminals commit further crime as soon as they are released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What possible solutions can you suggest?

Nowadays, experience is more valued in the workplace than knowledge in many countries. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.