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Writing Samples
Band 7

W. In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes of the phenomenon and what are some of the possible solutions?

#sports #athletes #substances #performance #phenomenon
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The world of professional
sports
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 includes a constant pressure to improve
performance
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 that affects many
athletes
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. Many professionals
use
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 banned
supplements
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 to obtain better results. To solve
this
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 issue it is necessary to establish
measures
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such
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 as a shift in
culture
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 to acknowledge mental
health
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 and more restrictive laws on illegal
substances
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.
Sports
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 practice is commonly associated with
health
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, but when practised professionally
athletes
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 face pressures to constantly present winning results.
This
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 exacerbated pressure impacts their mental
health
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, leading to many of them seeking alternative
measures
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 to win. In fact, some of these alternatives include the
use
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 of illegal
substances
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 that promise to improve
athletes
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’
performance
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.
Additionally
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, training routines can be exhaustive, so the
use
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 of these
substances
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 can assist the sportiest person to keep up with the routine, avoiding extreme fatigue.
Furthermore
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, in some
sports
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 environments
such
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 as CrossFit and Bodybuilding, there is a
culture
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 of
use
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 of
supplements
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 to improve
performance
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.
As a result
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, there is a
raise
Correct your spelling
rise
show examples
 in the number of sportive people using banned
substances
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.
Although
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 scientists created
supplements
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 that are safe for
athletes
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, banned products promise faster results.
However
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, they can be strongly detrimental to humans. To tackle issues related to the
use
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 of these illegal
substances
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, it is necessary to create more restrictive laws and
measures
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 that will impede the fabrication of these supplies and totally extinct their sale worldwide.
In addition
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 to that, the promotion of mental
health
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 awareness in
sports
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 and a shift in the
culture
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 to win at all costs is imperative. To do
this
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 more debates on these topics need to be raised. In conclusion, the
use
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 of banned
supplements
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 by professional
athletes
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 is a crescent concern that has been caused by the constant pressure to win, exhaustive training as well and the constantly improved
performance
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culture
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 in some
sports
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 areas. Possible solutions to
this
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 issue encompass the shift in the sport-winning
culture
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 and mental
health
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 awareness and more restrictive
measures
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 to extinct illegal
substances
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.
Submitted by betinhaa00 on

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Evidence & examples
Try to provide more detailed examples to support your causes and solutions. Real-world examples or data can make your argument stronger.
Cohesion
Ensure there's a clear relationship between paragraphs. Transition sentences can help enhance the flow of your essay from one idea to the next.
Breadth of solutions
Consider exploring a wider range of solutions, potentially including education for athletes, involvement of sports federations, and technological advances in drug testing.
Introduction & Conclusion
You have presented a clear introduction and conclusion which frames your argument effectively.
Structure
Your essay is well-structured, making it easy to follow your argument.
Understanding of topic
You've successfully identified key causes and provided plausible solutions, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Performance-enhancing drugs (PEDs)
  • Doping
  • Anti-doping regulations
  • Detection methods
  • Ban substances
  • Ethical issues
  • Health risks
  • Fair play
  • Sportsmanship
  • Stakes
  • Pressure to succeed
  • Enforcement
  • Awareness programs
  • Testing frequency
  • Entourage
  • Science advancement
  • Financial gains
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