IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that modern technology has enhanced sociable behavior, but others think it has reduced social interactions. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #technology #behavior #interactions
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Currently,
people
 have different views as to whether modern innovation has changed social capability,
while
 others think it has reduced social interactions. Despite the fact that new technology has many benefits to global society, I believe that face-to-face in the real
world
 is the most important for individual life. On the one hand, conversation on the internet system can reduce a nervous feeling because many speakers are unnecessarily face-to-face with many listeners.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that they can easily access society.
Moreover
,virtual interaction gives freedom of speech, and It has no boundaries, new technology users can do anything in the internet
world
.
This
 is because they do not have to be responsible for anything.
For example
, social bullying, social crimes and social arguments.
As a result
, it usually causes many problems in the future.
On the other hand
, the inherent behaviour of
humans
, they believe that communication between person to person is the best way to develop sociable abilities.
In addition
,
people
 can deeply understand other
people
 because
humans
 have feelings and emotions better than modern technology.
This
 is because most
people
 need support from friends, family or colleagues.
According to
 the natural characteristics of
humans
, they like to stay with their groups.
For instance
,
people
 usually choose their habitat near an urban city or stay close to their relatives' houses.
Therefore
, the majority of
people
 prefer to live a social life rather than stay alone. In conclusion, in my opinion, I agree that interaction in the artificial
world
 can reduce the social skills of
humans
. I think that we should concentrate on communication issues in the real
world
.
Submitted by name79sinlapa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Examples
Include more specific examples to bolster your arguments for both perspectives as well as your own viewpoint. This will enhance the relevancy and impact of your essay.
Precision
Avoid overgeneralizations. Phrases such as 'new technology users can do anything in the internet world' might benefit from qualifying statements to avoid broad generalizations that might not hold true in all contexts.
Tone
Maintain a more formal tone throughout your essay. Words like 'things' could be replaced with more precise language to improve formality and clarity.
Task Response
You have provided a clear opinion and justified it well, aligning with the task requirement.
Structure
Good structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs for each view, and a conclusion.
Coherence
Effective use of transitions to ensure smooth flow across paragraphs.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: