IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Technological Advancements and their Impact on Society

#advancements #impact #society
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Firstly
Linking Words
, technology is a paramount important tool to support people's activities either in school or at work.
For instance
Linking Words
, laptops and computers cannot be separated from students to help them improve their academics.
However
Linking Words
, these facilities have not been distributed to every student in Indonesia, especially in the lagging behind, leading, and frontier areas.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the government should consider paying attention to focusing on the equality of education.
Submitted by gunawankohan on

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task achievement
Make sure your essay provides a more comprehensive exploration of the topic, covering the multiple impacts of technological advancements on society.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate an introductory statement that clearly states the topic and your thesis, and conclude your essay by summarizing the main points and restating your position.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas with more diverse examples that span across different areas where technology impacts society, such as healthcare, communication, and employment.
coherence cohesion
Work on linking your ideas more effectively, using transitional phrases that help guide the reader through your argument in a more cohesive manner.
task achievement
You provided a relevant example to support your point about the importance of technology in education.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure starts well with a clear main idea, indicating a well-focused response to the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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