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Band 7

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters(such as food, clothes, and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them.Discuss both views.

#people #children #choices #matters #food #clothes #entertainment #society #individuals #decisions
In modern days, most people emphasize children's choices. Some individuals think that allowing
kids
 to decide their own everyday matters is good for them to become in a society of individuals who consider their self ideas.
Whereas
 others believe that it is crucial for
kids
 to make decisions about matters that influence them. I partly agree with these viewpoints. On the one hand, it is good for children to make a choice on their own.
Firstly
, I completely believe that if
kids
 decide everyday matters, it will help
kids
 to trust their own decisions in the future.
Furthermore
, making a chore for themselves will help not only the husband's opinion but
also
 it will help them to choose a partner in their future life.Because those
kids
 have already learnt the discrimination between wrong and right.
Moreover
, they know how to make a choice to suit every condition.
Therefore
, it will help them to cooperate with someone. Turning to the other side of
this
 argument to decide whether something affected by another's assertion is beneficial for
kids
' next life. They can recognise reliable people if that person affects their decision correctly.
In addition
, children who listen to their parent's wisdom or grandparents' behaviour tend to be obedient. And that
kids
 have the ability to pass on their own country's culture to the next generation.
Additionally
, at an employment level, they can be a food worker in the workplace. Because they have already listened to others' words and
thus
 their teammates’ skills have been good.
To sum up
, those two viewpoints have positive sides,
however
, in my opinion, making choices for themselves usually helps their future life.
Submitted by buyabuya201 on

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Task Achievement
To enhance the score, provide more specific examples to support each viewpoint.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on linking sentences and ideas more smoothly within paragraphs for better flow.
Task Achievement
Consider a clearer statement of your personal opinion in the introduction or conclusion for stronger task response.
General
Review and correct minor grammatical errors to aid clarity.
Task Achievement
You introduced both views on the subject effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Good job on having a clear structure with separate paragraphs for each argument.
Task Achievement
You’ve demonstrated a balanced understanding by discussing both sides of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Consequence-awareness
  • Self-centered
  • Informal decision-making education
  • Child development
  • Age-appropriate choices
  • Cognitive growth
  • Fostering independence
  • Parental guidance
  • Societal norms
  • Interpersonal consideration
  • Balance of freedom
  • Individualism versus collectivism
  • Experience-based learning
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