IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people opine that entertainment or leisure activities should be subsidized by the government. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In recent years, the question of whether the
government
Use synonyms
 should support and fund leisure
activities
Use synonyms
 has become a topic of growing debate.
While
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 some believe that public funding should be directed towards
such
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activities
Use synonyms
, I firmly disagree, as
government
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 resources should prioritise essential sectors
such
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 as
healthcare
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
.
This
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 essay will outline the reasons behind my opinion and provide relevant examples to support the argument.
To begin
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 with, there are several advantages to supporting essential sectors rather than funding entertainment
activities
Use synonyms
, as the latter offers only short-term enjoyment and limited national benefits. First and foremost, in order for a country to become more advanced and stay ahead of others in technological development, the
government
Use synonyms
 needs to prioritise the development of
education
Use synonyms
, as the new generation is responsible for building the country’s future and ensuring a high quality of life. To exemplify
this
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, investing in the
education
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 sector and improving the quality of the educational system and teaching programmes can take the country to a significantly higher level of progress. Japan is a clear example of
this
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, as it transformed itself into a global leader through long-term investment in
education
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 and human development.
On the other hand
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,
healthcare
Use synonyms
 is far more important than any other sector.
Therefore
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, the
government
Use synonyms
 should consistently improve the
healthcare
Use synonyms
 system, as citizens must be in a good state of well-being in order to enjoy life and its leisure
activities
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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, neglecting
healthcare
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 in favour of subsidising leisure
activities
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 could lead to serious long-term consequences for society. In conclusion,
although
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 entertainment is a crucial part of a country’s economy, I believe that other sectors are far more important and should be prioritised for the benefit of both individuals and society.

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structure
Make a clear plan in the intro that states your view and the two main ideas.
content
Give more real life examples and explain how they link to your point.
coherence
Use simple link words to show how ideas are tied.
language
Check small grammar and spelling to keep the meaning clear.
content
The writer states a clear view from start to end.
structure
There is a clear plan with two main ideas: education and health.
structure
There is a clear conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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