IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes, and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #choices #matters #food #clothes #entertainment #society #individuals #decisions
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is true that
children
Use synonyms
 face numerous choices on everyday matters on their own. Some people think that
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon is much more effective as far as they make decisions to become more independent, others argue that it is crucial for youngsters to consider matters which can affect them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, making decisions without prediction can be harmful for young people. It is important to have conversations and discussions with our parents.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 can inspire knowledge from adults who have experienced it so far.
For instance
Linking Words
, kids might learn about how to manage their financial budget and what kind of food or clothes are useful.
In other words
Linking Words
, it can be effective education for individuals who are under 18.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, allowing
children
Use synonyms
 to make their own choices without parental permission has its own advantages. It can be a significant opportunity to let
children
Use synonyms
 give admission before they welcome adulthood and even if they make mistakes, they are more likely to learn from their past. It is all about finding a balance between personal preference and situation. Leading kids to independence will not be difficult if they start regulation.
To sum up
Linking Words
, as far as I am concerned, it is a matter of self-education and worth of money. I strongly agree that it is more beneficial for
children
Use synonyms
 to be aware of entertainment, clothes and food.
Submitted by buyabuya201 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction/Conclusion
Try to provide a clearer introduction and conclusion. Your introduction should clearly present both views and your conclusion should succinctly summarize the discussion and restate your opinion.
Examples
Use more specific examples to support your points. While you mention the benefits of decision-making, incorporating detailed examples could strengthen your argument.
Structure
Work on the clarity of your structure. Ensure there is a distinct paragraph for each view and your own opinion to enhance readability.
Expression
Pay close attention to your wording to avoid repetition and enhance the variety in your expressions. This will make your essay more engaging and dynamic.
Balanced Discussion
You've maintained a balanced view throughout the essay, discussing both sides of the argument effectively.
Understanding
Good effort in trying to provide reasons for both viewpoints, showing an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Consequence-awareness
  • Self-centered
  • Informal decision-making education
  • Child development
  • Age-appropriate choices
  • Cognitive growth
  • Fostering independence
  • Parental guidance
  • Societal norms
  • Interpersonal consideration
  • Balance of freedom
  • Individualism versus collectivism
  • Experience-based learning
What to do next:
Look at other essays: