A big salary is much more important than jobsatisfaction . Do you agree or disagree

It is argued that work satisfaction is less important than a high salary.
This
essay totally disagrees with
this
statement because enjoying one's
job
is essential for personal happiness, and is crucial for long-term career fulfillment. To commence with,
job
satisfaction is a crucial aspect of living a life free from depression. Some people chase high salaries without realizing that
this
pursuit can lead to more problems than they anticipate.
For example
, my older sister works at a bank and believes that working harder would enable her to buy a car easily.
While
she did purchase the car, she now hates going to work because she realizes she doesn't enjoy her
job
and is only there to earn more money.
Furthermore
, improving your career position is easier with a good connection to your
job
.
It is clear that
human will act and do tasks better if they do a pleasant
job
and do their best. I am an example of
this
myself. When I was working as a waiter, I really did not want to go to
this
building, with a lot of people who were shouting at me and ordering me to do something and every evening I begging to god to come on holiday as quickly as possible.
Then
I went to work as a seller not paying attention that there was way less salary, but I didn't feel that pressure and depression and after a few years opened my first minimarket. In conclusion, earning a lot of money is less important than
job
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
because it leads to a stressful mind and doesn't allow people to go straight on their career stairs.
Submitted by Kawasaki on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to improve coherence. For instance, the first body paragraph could start with a more direct statement about the importance of job satisfaction for personal happiness.
task achievement
Expand on your points a bit more. For example, you could discuss how job dissatisfaction might affect other areas of life, such as relationships and personal development.
coherence cohesion
Watch for minor grammatical issues and awkward phrasings. For instance, "human will act" should be "humans will act" and "begging to god to come on holiday" could be rephrased to "praying for a holiday to come quickly."
task achievement
The essay has a clear stance and maintains a consistent argument throughout, which positively impacts task response.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments and reinforces your stance, which enhances coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The use of personal examples helps to make the essay more relatable and grounded, positively impacting task response.

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