the best way to cut down crime rate is by building more prisons and giving longer sentences. do you agree or disagree? what other methods are there to control the crime rate?
It is thought by some that the most effective way to reduce crime in society is to construct more
prisons
and give criminals
longer sentences. In the following paragraphs, advantages, disadvantages and my opinion about methods to reduce crimes will be outlined.
To begin
with, there are benefits of
building more Change preposition
to
prisons
. Police will have plenty of room more for put criminals
in. People will easily notice that there are sufficient places for them if they do something bad. Furthermore
, as shown on the news, there are a lot of fights between inmates
which finally
lead to death, bringing fear to the people outside. In addition
, Longer sentences affect the bonding of families of inmates
, as some inmates
have families and as we know family is one of the most important things in our lives. It leads to the lack of chance to take care of their wife and children.
Additionally
, it brings disadvantage to the communities. Firstly
, the construction of prisons
leads to reduce a vast of valuable areas which can make a profit in that zone. For instance
, department stores ,which will attract tourist both outside and inside their countries, come with the money that can advance and develop that area. Secondly
, Living in prisons
longer does not affect their fear. The inmates
in the jails are able to make friends and if that happens, it will bring downsides to the societies when they are out. Besides
, they might contact each other again and commit some new crimes together.
In my opinion, In the first place, we should bring our execution sentence back again. Many criminals
rather choose life imprisonment than being executed as they fear dying more than others. Death sentences also
make them think before committing. In the second place, we should penalties their families also
, as they cannot control their family member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
such
as fining or prison them. Consequently
, when criminals
are going to commit a crime, they need to think about the effects of their actions.
All in all, I disagree with this
issue, we need to increase the penalties in order to make them think more before committing crimes.Submitted by nnatthinee on
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development of ideas
Ensure all main ideas are fully developed with detailed examples or explanations to strengthen your argument.
idea generation and analysis
Avoid suggesting extreme solutions such as executing or penalizing families of criminals without offering a comprehensive analysis or considering human rights implications.
cohesion
Work on creating more fluid transitions between paragraphs for a more cohesive essay structure.
addressing the prompt
Revisit the prompt to ensure a balanced discussion on both the advantages and disadvantages of the proposed solution, along with your own stance.
language complexity
Include a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance the complexity and readability of your essay.
introduction
You have effectively introduced your topic and provided a clear thesis statement.
balanced argument
You successfully addressed different perspectives on the issue, showing an ability to engage with complex ideas.
conclusion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes your opinion, demonstrating good task response.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example