IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Money is important in most people’s lives. Although some people think it is more important than others. What do you feel are the right uses of money? What other factors are important for a good life? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.

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Currently,
money
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 is significant in the majority of
people
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’s lives.
Although
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 many
people
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 think that it is more essential than others.
This
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 essay will express the comparison between two reasons for
this
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 situation. On the one hand,
money
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 can be used to buy necessary things in daily
life
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.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that some
people
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 live in cities and depend on
a
Correct article usage
the
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 cost of living.
For example
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, a high cost of living when
people
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 live in the capital city
while
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people
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 in
rurals
Correct your spelling
rural
 have a low cost of living.
As a result
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, some
people
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 need to use a lot of
money
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 to take care of themselves and their families.
On the other hand
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,
money
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 cannot buy something
such
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 as good health, mental health and
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
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with other
people
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.
This
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 is because these things,
people
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 have to make by themselves.
For instance
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, if they want to be healthy, they have to exercise and play sports.
Moreover
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, some activities have to be paid
by
Change preposition
for on
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 time but
no
Change preposition
with no
show examples
money
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.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that many hobbies want to take a long time and
people
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 receive happiness in return.
For example
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,
For example
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, some
people
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 travel for 5 days. It may take a long time but they are happy
while
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 they stay in there.
Therefore
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,
money
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 is not always the most important in most
people
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's
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. In conclusion, In my opinion,
money
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 is not the most essential in an individual
life
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 because it depends on a lot of reasons and factors in
personal
Correct article usage
a personal
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life
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.

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coherence cohesion
Try to maintain a clear structure throughout your essay with distinct paragraphs for each main point. Ensuring each paragraph follows logically from its introduction will enhance the clarity of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction that clearly states your viewpoint and a conclusion that summarizes your argument, reinforcing your position on the topic.
task achievement
To improve task response, ensure your essay directly addresses all aspects of the prompt. Develop your ideas fully and provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures and using a broader range of vocabulary to articulate your ideas more precisely and engagingly.
task achievement
You effectively discussed two contrasting views on the importance of money, providing a balanced perspective.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant, illustrating your points about the limitations and benefits of money.
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