IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Money is important in most people’s lives. Although some people think it is more important than others. What do you feel are the right uses of money? What other factors are important for a good life? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.

#money #people’s #lives #people #right #factors #life
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Currently,
money
 is significant in the majority of
people
’s lives.
Although
 many
people
 think that it is more essential than others.
This
 essay will express the comparison between two reasons for
this
 situation. On the one hand,
money
 can be used to buy necessary things in daily
life
.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that some
people
 live in cities and depend on
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 cost of living.
For example
, a high cost of living when
people
 live in the capital city
while
people
 in
rurals
Correct your spelling
rural
 have a low cost of living.
As a result
, some
people
 need to use a lot of
money
 to take care of themselves and their families.
On the other hand
,
money
 cannot buy something
such
 as good health, mental health and
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
with other
people
.
This
 is because these things,
people
 have to make by themselves.
For instance
, if they want to be healthy, they have to exercise and play sports.
Moreover
, some activities have to be paid
by
Change preposition
for on
show examples
 time but
no
Change preposition
with no
show examples
money
.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that many hobbies want to take a long time and
people
 receive happiness in return.
For example
,
For example
, some
people
 travel for 5 days. It may take a long time but they are happy
while
 they stay in there.
Therefore
,
money
 is not always the most important in most
people
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. In conclusion, In my opinion,
money
 is not the most essential in an individual
life
 because it depends on a lot of reasons and factors in
personal
Correct article usage
a personal
show examples
life
.
Submitted by name79sinlapa on

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coherence cohesion
Try to maintain a clear structure throughout your essay with distinct paragraphs for each main point. Ensuring each paragraph follows logically from its introduction will enhance the clarity of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction that clearly states your viewpoint and a conclusion that summarizes your argument, reinforcing your position on the topic.
task achievement
To improve task response, ensure your essay directly addresses all aspects of the prompt. Develop your ideas fully and provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures and using a broader range of vocabulary to articulate your ideas more precisely and engagingly.
task achievement
You effectively discussed two contrasting views on the importance of money, providing a balanced perspective.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant, illustrating your points about the limitations and benefits of money.
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