IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Money is important in most people’s lives. Although some people think it is more important than others. What do you feel are the right uses of money? What other factors are important for a good life? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.

#money #people’s #lives #people #right #factors #life
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Currently,
money
Use synonyms
 is significant in the majority of
people
Use synonyms
’s lives.
Although
Linking Words
 many
people
Use synonyms
 think that it is more essential than others.
This
Linking Words
 essay will express the comparison between two reasons for
this
Linking Words
 situation. On the one hand,
money
Use synonyms
 can be used to buy necessary things in daily
life
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that some
people
Use synonyms
 live in cities and depend on
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 cost of living.
For example
Linking Words
, a high cost of living when
people
Use synonyms
 live in the capital city
while
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 in
rurals
Correct your spelling
rural
 have a low cost of living.
As a result
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 need to use a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 to take care of themselves and their families.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
money
Use synonyms
 cannot buy something
such
Linking Words
 as good health, mental health and
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
with other
people
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because these things,
people
Use synonyms
 have to make by themselves.
For instance
Linking Words
, if they want to be healthy, they have to exercise and play sports.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some activities have to be paid
by
Change preposition
for on
show examples
 time but
no
Change preposition
with no
show examples
money
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that many hobbies want to take a long time and
people
Use synonyms
 receive happiness in return.
For example
Linking Words
,
For example
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 travel for 5 days. It may take a long time but they are happy
while
Linking Words
 they stay in there.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
money
Use synonyms
 is not always the most important in most
people
Use synonyms
's
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. In conclusion, In my opinion,
money
Use synonyms
 is not the most essential in an individual
life
Use synonyms
 because it depends on a lot of reasons and factors in
personal
Correct article usage
a personal
show examples
life
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by name79sinlapa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Try to maintain a clear structure throughout your essay with distinct paragraphs for each main point. Ensuring each paragraph follows logically from its introduction will enhance the clarity of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction that clearly states your viewpoint and a conclusion that summarizes your argument, reinforcing your position on the topic.
task achievement
To improve task response, ensure your essay directly addresses all aspects of the prompt. Develop your ideas fully and provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures and using a broader range of vocabulary to articulate your ideas more precisely and engagingly.
task achievement
You effectively discussed two contrasting views on the importance of money, providing a balanced perspective.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant, illustrating your points about the limitations and benefits of money.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: