IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

write a referral letter to an endocrinologist.

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Thank you for seeing Miss Maryam Hassan, a 29-year-old patient, who has been suffering from sleep disorder, intermittent palpitation and non-significant weight loss. I am referring her to you with a doubt of hyperthyroidism to start medication as you deem appropriate. I visited Miss Hassan 3 weeks back in our clinic
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma before the dependent clause marker when. Consider removing the comma.

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 when she came with sleep disorders, intermittent headaches, and dry eyes. She
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 complained of slight weight loss of about 2 Kg during 2 months. Despite improving sleep hygiene and discontinuation caffeine consumption, not only sleeping pattern
worsened
Wrong verb form
worsen

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb worsened. Consider changing it.

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 but
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 occasional palpitation added to previous symptoms. Her dry eye sensation got worse despite using artificial eye drops. She is a non-smoker single woman with regular physical activity and does not consume alcohol at all. She takes only vitamin D
supplement
Fix the agreement mistake
supplements

It seems that supplement may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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. Her family history does not have any significant points but diabetes in her grandmother. Related to non-responsiveness to conservative management, ECG, 24-hour electrocardiogram and blood investigations were requested. ECG was normal. Blood test results showed low TSH titer. 24-hour electrocardiogram reports still are not ready. I would appreciate it if you could see Miss Hassan for
further
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 assessment of hyperthyroidism and if it is possible, reassuring her about future fertility. Yours sincerely, Doctor

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coherence cohesion
While the letter is generally well-structured and detailed, consider elaborating a bit more on the patient's medical history and the tests conducted for better clarity.
task achievement
The medical jargon is mostly appropriate, but simplifying some terms might make the letter more accessible to all potential readers.
task achievement
The letter provides a clear and complete overview of Miss Hassan's symptoms, medical history, and preliminary investigations.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is maintained well with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph focuses on a single idea, making the information easy to follow.
task achievement
The writing tone is formal and appropriate for a referral letter.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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