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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people have difficulty in maintaining health diet. What are the causes of this problem ? How could it be solved?

#people #difficulty #health #diet
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The majority of
people
 have very trouble maintaining healthy
foods
.
Therefore
, increasing obesity and noncommunication diseases. It has many solutions. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the problems and solutions. The main problem is
people
 do not manage their day-to-day eating habits. They are addicted to fast food because it is easier for them and it is very delicious. Since they become very fat and have noncommunicable diseases.
For example
, the Oxpert University research and understood why they are difficult to manage. The young generation is addicted to fast food and they love to live social status. They are eating every time fast
foods
 for their habits.
Therefore
 they can not manage it.
Moreover
, nowadays in other countries
foods
 are very popular and can Be much easier.
Such
 as pizza, burgar and etc is our country very popular
foods
.
For instance
, in every city available for Mcdonar they deliver anytime and can eat
also
 in the shop.
As a result
,
people
 can have difficulty maintaining healthy
foods
. On the other side,
people
 can maintain it.
First,
they can control it step by step. The government can advertise through social media Haw to affect them. and
also
 adults have the responsibility of cooking a variety of
foods
 at home.
Then
 children can control their habits.
For example
, my mum cooks every weekend Indian
foods
, Chinese
foods
 and etc.
Therefore
 my family can maintain tan healthy diet.
For instance
,
people
 have difficulty maintaining healthy food because they are addicted to fast
foods
. They can limit it and the government should give to advertising how to effect maintaining a healthy diet and the family has responsibility cooking healthy
foods
 in their home.
Submitted by ma.ushamanu1024 on

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Structure
Consider organizing your ideas more clearly by using paragraphs effectively. Start with an introduction that outlines the essay's structure, then use separate paragraphs for each main point, and conclude with a summary of your arguments and solutions.
Development
Work on developing each of your main points more thoroughly. Provide detailed examples and explanations to support your arguments. Expanding on your examples will make your points more convincing.
Language
To improve coherence, use a wider range of linking words and cohesive devices. This will make your essay flow better and make it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
Clarity
Aim for greater clarity in expressing your ideas. This can be achieved through careful proofreading and revising. Watch out for typographical errors and try to use a more varied and accurate vocabulary.
Content
You have effectively touched upon both the causes and solutions regarding the issue of maintaining a healthy diet, which meets the task requirements.
Use of Examples
Including examples, like the reference to Oxpert University research and personal family practices, helps to support your arguments and makes your essay more engaging.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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