Many people believe money is a very important factor for achieving hapiness.Others, however believe that money has nothing to do with hapiness.Discuss both views.

Individuals have different views about whether

money

is a major determinant of being happy or whether

money

and happiness are not related to each other. In

this

essay, I am going to explain both groups' ideas. On the one hand, it is generally acknowledged that people have a sense of comfort when they are wealthy enough to provide whatever they need.

Thus

, they do not need to be worried about the cost of their needs.

Additionally

, a very significant impact of

money

is the affordability of travel to desirable destinations which is everyone's dream.

This

adds diversity to the states' lives and prevents depression which is completely

in contrast

with happiness. A case in point is Ali Daei's family who are one of the most well-off families in our country and they can easily achieve their wishes

as a result

of being rich.

On the other hand

, there is ample evidence that having a considerable amount of

money

without health will not prepare a happy life. Those who are suffering from chronic diseases can not enjoy their

money

unless they improve.

Furthermore

, human beings need each other to feel happy; meaning a beloved family and some close friends who spend their spare time together. Without these relations, individuals no longer will live happily, even though they

were

Wrong verb form

are

show examples

extremely wealthy.

For instance

, some movies have shown these kinds of people who have annoying lives, despite being well-off.

To conclude

although

some consider that being rich plays a striking role in bringing happiness to people's lives, it is self-evident that to feel happy

money

is necessary but not enough.

Submitted by keyhan454 on Sat May 04 2024

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Task Achievement

To enhance your score further, try to integrate more specific examples that are universally recognizable, rather than relying on examples that may not be familiar to all readers.

Task Achievement

Remember to develop your main points more fully. Elaborate on your ideas with more detailed explanations or additional examples to strengthen your argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing techniques to enhance the logical flow of your essay, which will improve the reader's ability to follow your argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

You've managed to present a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively frames your essay.

Task Achievement

Your essay shows a good understanding of the topic, providing a balanced discussion of both views on money and happiness.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

267 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial security
basic needs
diminishing returns
materialism
personal growth
mindset
self-worth
social status
philanthropy
well-being
experiences
generosity
fulfilling
reduces stress
escalate
acquiring wealth
sense of security
comparative wealth
excessive focus
leisure activities

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Many people believe money is a very important factor for achieving hapiness.Others, however believe that money has nothing to do with hapiness.Discuss both views.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Robots and artificial intelligence are being developed to replaced humans in the workplace? Why is this happening? Do you think this will have a positive or negative impact on society?

The best way to solve the world’s environmental problem is to increase the cost of fossil fuel. Do you agree or disagree?

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowdays, many people have to work long time, and they feel more stressful than before. What are the reasons? What employers can do to make their life easier?

Some people believe that the best way to encourage children that have a healthy diet at school and some people believe that parents should teach them to have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.