IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Smoking tobacco is becoming increasingly popular among young people with potentially serious effects on their health. Explain some reason for this problem and suggest some possible solutions.

#tobacco #people #effects #health #reason
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One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is the possible dangers of smoking. It is undeniable that habits have become an essential part of our life.
However
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, these days it is the main issue among people. One of the main aspects of the problem is that dangers are well known,
nevertheless
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, people still smoke and damage their health. One of the main reasons behind that smoking is a kind of relaxation and satisfaction for smokers.
Furthermore
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, they cannot resist the thirst to smoke, so they continue smoking.
This
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 could lead to lung disease or might result in lung cancer, for which disease there is no treatment. To tackle
this
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 problem people should set a step-by-step plan and follow it.
This
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 may be the easiest and so the best way to stop smoking is to decrease the amount of cigarettes per day. Smokers should begin with little steps to get a satisfactory result. Having weighed everything mentioned up, we can come to the conclusion that quitting smoking is a real thing, and if a person tries to do it. So it would not be surprising to see that some problems which are connected with smoking can be demolished in the near future. Actions must be taken urgently,
otherwise
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, we will get declining numbers of smokers and lung disease in our world.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Task Achievement
The essay effectively addresses the topic and task, but providing more specific examples and elaboration on the reasons behind the popularity of smoking among young people could enhance the response. Consider including statistical data, case studies, or broader societal trends to support your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical flow of the essay is clear, and there is a good use of paragraphing to separate ideas. However, transitions between paragraphs can be improved by using more varied connecting words or phrases to enhance readability and coherence.
Structure
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, presenting the issue and summarizing the main points, which contributes to a coherent structure.
Critical Thinking
You've identified relevant issues and suggested practical solutions, illustrating an understanding of the problem and its potential remedies.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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