IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The government should invest in education and health care. Governments should invest these funds in tourism. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#government #education #health #care #governments #funds #tourism
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Many people believe that authorities should spend more
money
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 in the field of
education
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 and
health
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 care rather than
tourism
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.
Tourism
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 is necessary to make
money
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 and to get away from everyday stresses;
however
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, it cannot outweigh the importance of
education
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 and medical services, so I agree with the first statement. First of all,
education
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 is the process in which a nation's knowledge is enhanced by training. If anyone, in
this
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 contemporary world, wants to gain hands-on experience with sophisticated technologies, he or she must have to spend a handsome amount of
money
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;
otherwise
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, they will not be able to gain proper training as these modern instruments are too costly.
For example
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, before 2021, the country Sri Lanka spent millions of US dollars on
tourism
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 sectors. Unfortunately, their investment in
tourism
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 could not save their economic collapse. If they would spend on
education
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, they would get proper suggestions on where they should invest their
money
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.
On the other hand
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, medical services are one of the primary needs of a country; without
this
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 sector, it is not possible to get a healthy nation.
As a result
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, it is necessary to invest more in
health
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 sectors to make people's lives better and secure so that they can enjoy the tour.
For instance
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, a study was conducted in Finland in 2022 where 2000 physically injured individuals gave their opinions and said they could not enjoy their lives rather than visit any new place. From
this
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 point, we can say that if we invest more in healthcare, people will be healthier and they will be able to enjoy more. In conclusion,
although
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tourism
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 is necessary in our daily lives,
education
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 and
health
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 care are more crucial for a nation.
Education
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 paves the way for good
tourism
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, so the government should spend more currency on
education
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as well as
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health
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 care.
Submitted by zobaermasum12 on

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coherence cohesion
Enhance the connection between ideas within paragraphs. The flow can be improved with additional linking words or phrases.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples or data to validate your points. This will strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear and comprehensive response to the task, addressing key areas such as education and healthcare versus tourism.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is evident, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion present throughout the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Investment: capital allocation towards a sector, often for development or improvement.
  • Long-term economic growth: sustainable increase in a country’s economic productivity over an extended period.
  • Knowledgeable workforce: employees who are well-educated and trained, capable of driving innovation.
  • Healthcare services: medical services, including prevention, treatment, and management of illnesses.
  • Economic sustainability: responsible management of resources to ensure long-term economic health.
  • Tourism: industry focusing on travel for leisure, which contributes to a nation's economic revenue.
  • External factors: variables outside of a country's control that can impact its economy or sectors.
  • Foundation: the base or groundwork upon which further development can be built.
  • Societal welfare: the well-being of a community in terms of health, education, and economic conditions.
  • Social equity: fairness and equality in access to opportunities and resources within a society.
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