Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

#people #health #sports #facilities #effect #measures

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Some

people

think that the general well-being of the population will improve if we have more

facilities

for

people

to do sports.

However

, others believe that

this

will have little impact on public health, and another

approach

should be recommended. In my opinion,

although

the community can have easier access if more gymnasiums are built, an aggressive

approach

such

as taxation on

sugar

prices is a better option.

People

can have more options and better access if more gym

facilities

are built. Men and women are more comfortable to exercise if they can exercise in more comfortable places, not crowded, and

facilities

that meet their specific needs.

For example

while

some athletes prefer

facilities

with more treadmills, others prefer places that offer dance classes or provide a more secluded area for women.

However

, I think,

this

option requires high budgets and some

people

are not consistent when it comes to exercising. Imposing a tax on sugary drinks and food products is a more aggressive

approach

. A law to increase the price of

sugar

will force

overall

production to reduce the amount of

sugar

used in foods and beverages, as one way to cut the cost and avoid loss in their business.

As a result

, the end products will contain less

sugar

, which is healthier for consumers.

For instance

, the United Kingdom imposed a

sugar

tax in 2018 to reduce excess

sugar

consumption and combat childhood obesity. I think

this

is a better

approach

, and the tax money gained from

this

can be used for healthcare sectors. In conclusion,

while

some

people

think it is beneficial to encourage

people

to do sports by increasing the number of sports

facilities

, I believe that it is a much better measure to regulate

sugar

prices.

Submitted by shaz.777 on Sun May 05 2024

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Language Use

To further improve, try diversifying your sentence structures and incorporating a wider range of vocabulary to add depth and richness to your essay.

Argument Development

Consider adding more direct comparisons between the two views throughout your essay to enhance the analytical depth of your argument.

Structure

Your essay presents a well-structured argument, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion that effectively address the prompt.

Content

You've provided relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument and makes it more convincing.

Conclusion

The use of a concluding statement that summarizes your stance and ties back to the essay question is excellent practice.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

291 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

public health
sports facilities
physical activity
exercise
chronic diseases
heart disease
obesity
inclusivity
participation
safe environment
social interaction
community engagement
comprehensive approach
health education programs
environmental factors
healthcare infrastructure
quality healthcare services
public health initiatives

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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

Include an introduction and conclusion

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Nowadays, more and more people are moving from the countryside to cities, which are becoming overcrowded. What are the reasons for this movement to cities and what can be done to reduce it? ALWAYS read the topic clearly and work out exactly what you have to write abou

With the development of social media, more and more youngsters are being allowed unsupervised access to the Internet. What potential problems may this trend lead to? What solutions can you suggest to deal with it?

Some people say that web content should be used to instruct children. Others think that it is not helpful in an educational setting. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.