Many think that religion should be taught in schools while others think it should be avoided. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Over the past decades, the significance of learning
religion
has grown tremendously, concerning students' parents
and society about teaching children about it and supplement
Wrong verb form
supplementing
into
Correct pronoun usage
it into
school
curriculum. Many people accept Add an article
the school
this
opinion, whereas
others believe it should be restricted from education
system.
Add an article
the education
Firstly
, the major point of studying religion
is not a call to do extremist actions or participating
Wrong verb form
participate
on
Change preposition
in
a
terrorism, it is to give crucial knowledge about the origins of different Remove the article
apply
religions
and where they have been
established and why have human beings been created, Wrong verb form
were
expaining
in religious Correct your spelling
explaining
termins
. If Correct your spelling
terms
terminus
student
learn about his or her own Fix the agreement mistake
students
religion
, he or she will be mentally wise and respect others' religions
. Moreover
, students would understand the principles of religions
if they Fix the agreement mistake
religion
are
given with correct materials. Wrong verb form
were
In addition
, in the future
Add a comma
future,
while
travelling around the world they will know more about countries' history and Fix the agreement mistake
their
its
main Correct pronoun usage
their
religions
.
On the other hand
, since there are terroristic actions in the world, parents
concern
Add a missing verb
are concern
Change preposition
about theis
theis
Correct your spelling
their
childrens'
future and their choices. Most Change noun form
children's
parents
associate religion
to
extremism as the members of terrorism hide usually under the Change preposition
with
religion
, demonstrating wrong
side of Change the article
the wrong
religion
and call
for collaboration. Wrong verb form
calling
That is
why parents
refuse supplement
Fix the infinitive
to supplement
of
Change preposition
apply
religion
into the syllabus.
To conclude
and from my perspective, students should be taught in schools if and only if the teachers or mentors of this
type of subject are tested by special test proving their positive view and given them with correct materialsSubmitted by adiletnursoltanov on
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task achievement
Be sure to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. While your essay addresses both sides of the argument and your position is clear, including specific examples can add more depth to your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures and connectors to improve the flow of your essay. Introducing more complex sentence structures and diverse linking words can enhance the coherence of your essay.
task achievement
You have done well to discuss both sides of the argument and provide a clear opinion in your conclusion. This is crucial for a balanced argumentative essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good overall structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing each viewpoint, and a conclusion that restates your opinion. This helps in making your argument coherent and easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.