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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Today, more and more people want things instantly (e.g goods, services, news). Why is this? Is it positive or negative development?

#people #e #g #goods #services #news #development
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In the modern are, an increasing number of people believe that things should be transferred immediately.
This
 is because human development has led to a desire to gain figures at a faster pace and it could be a beneficial improvement to the whole society via the improvement in technology. Turning to the main cause of
this
 belief, it should be acknowledged that
this
 is the period of development so everything will never stay constant,
instead
, they need to be fast in order to reduce the time inhabitants spend on useless activities. To explain, if a worker wastes their time in something not utilitarian usually, they will be fired and so
do
Verb problem
will
show examples
 the whole workforce around the world as they will be wiped out if they are not improving themselves.
For example
, many elder workers are now becoming unemployed because of the lack of strength and energy, but more significant, their knowledge to maintain their lives in
this
 society.
As a result
, a swifter transfer of figures will help people overcome many obstacles,
as well as
 reduce their pressure and their demand for a fast service is undeniable. It should be known that the faster information and objects are sent, the better experiences and devices inhabitants will have.
Due to
 the improvement of mobile phones, people nowadays are satisfied with these devices as they allow them to interact with a wide platform which has the ability to give them everything they need immediately
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 some finger movements.
Consequently
, they can absorb information easily so a large amount of data can be taken into their brains.
Thus
 improving the entire society with the immense information provided as figures plays an imperative role in human enhancement. Taking everything into account, there is no doubt that a better speed at transporting pieces of stuff is a consequence of the demand in social development and they can bring several benefits to a person.
Hence
,
this
 essay has illustrated the factors leading to the need for speed and given a description of the benefits of the given topic.
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Structure
Try to structure your essay with a clear introduction that outlines your main points, followed by body paragraphs that each focus on a separate idea, and a conclusion that summarises your arguments.
Support
Work on providing more specific examples to support your claims. This will help strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
Development
Make sure your paragraphs are well-organized and each one has a clear main idea that is developed and supported.
Vocabulary
Be mindful of repetition in your essay. Using a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures can make your writing more engaging and less repetitive.
Introduction
You introduced the topic well and clearly stated your viewpoint.
Coherence
Good effort in linking ideas and maintaining a flow in your argument.
Task response
You addressed the task directly and provided relevant discussion points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Instant gratification
  • Technological advancements
  • Consumer expectations
  • Same-day delivery
  • Streaming platforms
  • Information overload
  • Decision fatigue
  • Environmental implications
  • Societal implications
  • Resource depletion
  • Marketing strategies
  • Consumer satisfaction
  • Quality of life
What to do next:
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