It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?
In today's world,
people
face
choices between taking numerous risks
in their careers and personal lives. While
this
can offer various advantages, it can also
bring about some detrimental effects. Personally, I would argue that although
this
phenomenon has a few advantages, its drawbacks are more considerable.
On the one hand, there are several minor merits to having to face
both types of risks
.This
risk will help people
boost their problem-solving skills, and thus
they can offer the opportunity to enhance their career path. For example
, people
who work as marketers in a startup agency are encouraged to conduct more work in order to find potential customers than in other companies. This
is the main reason why both types of risks
positively affect people
.
On the other hand
, this
development still has major downsides, which eclipse the aforementioned benefits. For people
with poor psychology, having to face
risks
prevents them from finding jobs. To explain, this
type of person tends to prevent themselves from the community. However
, they burden finances; therefore
, they also
seek a job in order to solve it. Due to
the risks
in their profession, they are likely to retire. It is not hard to understand that people
do not want to face
risks
in life.
In conclusion, I personally think that even though a small number of upsides can arise from this
phenomenon, its demerits are of greater significance. Notwithstanding, it is advised that there are several risks
that encourage people
to improve their career path.Submitted by maitruonghongvan2403 on
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task achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly states your position on the issue. While an opinion was presented, it lacked a strong thesis statement that would guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on the logical flow of ideas. Try to create clear and direct topic sentences for each paragraph and use a range of cohesive devices effectively.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and evidence to support your points. General statements should be substantiated with concrete details to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Check for repetition of ideas and phrases. This impacts the logical flow and the reader's engagement with the text. Aim for a more varied and precise vocabulary.
task achievement
The conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the key arguments made in the essay and by more firmly stating your final position.
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