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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The charts below show the proportion of people's spending on different commodities and services in a particular European country in 1958 and in 2008.

The charts below show the proportion of people's spending on different commodities and services in a particular European country in 1958 and in 2008.
#show #proportion #people #commodities #services #european #country
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The provided two charts illustrate how the percentage of people
allocate
Wrong verb form
allocated
show examples
 their various commodities and
services
Use synonyms
 in a specific European country between 1958 and 2008. The goods and
services
Use synonyms
 are categorized as housing, food, clothing, travel or transport, entertainment, and luxury goods.
Overall
Linking Words
, lavish items and housing were the biggest increase percentage and food was the biggest decline percentage in the given period.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the ratio of people spent on lavish things, housing, and tour or conveyance experienced an upward trend from 1958 to 2008. The ratio of lavish items increased from 22% to 32%, making it the top position compared to other categories. It was followed by clothing, which was 17%.
Finally
Linking Words
, tour or conveyance
services
Use synonyms
 had the lowest increase, around double the previous years, namely 17%.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Firstly
Linking Words
, the ratio of how people spend their food, clothing, and leisure spaces had a downward trend. Nearly doubling to less than 6% occurred in entertainment
services
Use synonyms
 during the same timeframe, making it the lowest position among other categories.
However
Linking Words
, foodstuffs
also
Linking Words
 witnessed a decline from 32% to 12%.
Lastly
Linking Words
, clothing items had the lowest decrease, only 2% from 18%.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words services with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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