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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many museums charge for admission whiles others are free. Do you think the advantage charging for admission outweigh the disadvantage

#museums #charge #admission #whiles #advantage
In today's world, museums become ubiquitous in all countries around the world and a noticeable number of them take an acceptable amount of money. some individuals argue against
this
 idea and they have a firm belief that these types of educational centers ought to be fully free. From my perspective, being without admission is not a constructive thought
while
 these
fees
 are strategically beneficial. One of the salient reasons is the continued improvements and enhancements. As a matter of fact, museums need to be supported to run their facilities;
therefore
, visitors' money is a significant factor in order to keep the
place
 in developing it as well.
For instance
, if these educational
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 choose to not take entrance
fees
, they will not be able to continue and save their
place
 from being taken over by any other profitable businesses. In general, the more support these facilities gain, the better
place
 they will be. Another point that backs the idea of taking admission is in the employment sector. The vast majority of individuals do not want to work in any museum and trying their best to be as far as they can because of their low salaries.
In addition
, a huge number of museum' employees are working without wages. Some educational facilities,
For example
,
Who
Correct pronoun usage
That
show examples
 give the opportunity to visit without
fees
 are suffering from the unsuitable employees numbers
comparison
Change preposition
in comparison
show examples
 with the size
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
place
. In conclusion,
this
 may
consider
Wrong verb form
be considered
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a controversial issue among people today.
However
, On balance, it could effortlessly be noticed that there are numerous important
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
entrance
fees
 in several ways.
Submitted by a.awh05 on

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sentence structure
Consider varying your sentence structures more to enhance readability and engagement.
supporting evidence
Use specific examples or case studies to support your arguments further. This will add depth and evidence to your discussion, making it more convincing.
grammar
Be mindful of grammatical accuracy and avoid small errors to ensure your argument is presented as clearly and professionally as possible.
topic understanding
You’ve clearly outlined your stance on the importance of admission fees for the sustainability and development of museums. This shows a good understanding of the essay topic.
structure
Your essay exhibits a strong structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This makes your argument easy to follow.
argument support
You effectively use examples and reasons to support your main points. This strengthens your argument.

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