IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

These days, many people are interested in watching sports on TV. Some people think it has a lot of drawbacks. To what exten do you agree or disagree?

#people #sports #tv #exten
These days, it is obvious that individuals have become more interested in watching
sports
 on
TV
. In my opinion, I believe that watching
sports
 on
TV
 can bring about more advantages for viewers compared to any problems it might bring. Despite the drawbacks below, I believe the benefits gained by the audiences watching
sports
 on
TV
 are extremely useful for them.
Firstly
, most of the
sports
 matches are held outside their home country, which does not provide the opportunity to watch them live.
In Other words
,
while
 it is exciting to watch a football match in a stadium, it takes a significant amount of money to be able to attend.
Therefore
, watching
sports
 on
TV
 is accessible to all
sports
 enthusiasts.
Secondly
, the environment in a stadium is notoriously sensitive, where even minor setbacks can spark intense reactions among fans.
For example
, when a team loses, its fans can become volatile and aggressive, as if they've been triggered like a safety bomb. Watching the game at home can be a much safer and more peaceful experience. Admittedly, there are some issues involved when people watch
sports
 on
TV
. One problem is the impact it can have on social and family relationships.
For instance
, people who spend excessive amounts of time watching
sports
 may neglect their responsibilities,
such
 as attending family gatherings or participating in social events, leading to feelings of guilt and isolation. Another negative aspect is that watching
TV
 on a daily basis could cause serious long-term damage to the eyes
due to
 the radiation emitted by the
TV
, which is difficult to avoid except by reducing the amount of time wasted on the Television. In conclusion, watching
sports
 on
TV
 offers convenience
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 provides global access, and clearly outweighs any disadvantages, making it an excellent way to enjoy the game.
Submitted by qusai.max6 on

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coherence cohesion
To further enhance the essay, ensure each supporting point is consistently linked to the main arguments. This will improve the logical flow.
task achievement
While the essay generally addresses the prompt effectively, more clarification could be offered on each advantage and disadvantage. This addition may provide a deeper insight.
task achievement
Including more varied examples would increase the relevance and persuasive power of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a defined introduction and conclusion, which helps in delivering your points effectively.
task achievement
The ideas presented are generally clear and show a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Utilizing specific examples like the volatile environment in stadiums does well to illustrate your points.
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