Students should pay the full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Higher
education
is nowadays seen as a necessity in order to boost their future career. It is believed that students should bear the full fee of their own study
due to
individual's
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individual
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benefits.
This
writer totally disagrees statement because of inability and societal contribution. There are many rationales why free higher
education
should be provided by the state or
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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supported by parents. First of all, students do not have the capability to afford the entire fee. They can work part-time jobs and receive scholarships, but it cannot happen contemporaneously and be adequate.
This
can be attributed to the low payment of part-time jobs and most people
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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who
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apply
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choose to have it since they want to have more living
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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cost
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costs
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. Even if they do not equalize their study and occupation, they can fall off both easily.
Additionally
, paying a fortune to learn an academic
education
leads to inequality for students. Many people in over the world have poor conditions. If their colleges force offspring to pay the full cost, they will not be able to go to the lecture. Take America as a prime example, where almost all who take higher
education
receive subsidies since their taxes are up to 37-40%. Another merit worth mentioning is that studying at school has positive impacts on society. In the of learning in an institution, alumnus has to participate in voluntary activities to get training points which affects their certification.
Furthermore
, it can alleviate the rate of unemployment.
This
is
due to
creating job opportunities for others
such
as staff, professionals and guards. In conclusion, despite some say that learners walk on their career path for themselves,
therefore
, they are accountable for bearing all fees.
However
, I disagree with
this
and advocate for their
education
having positive societal effects and the inability to afford the total cost.

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task achievement
While the essay addresses the prompt, it can benefit from further elaboration and clearer support for its key points. For instance, when discussing the inability of students to afford tuition, providing more concrete statistics or examples would bolster your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining your transitions between sentences and paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. This can be achieved by using a wider variety of linking words and phrases.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear position on the topic and provides reasons and examples to support it.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and provide a good framework for the essay.
coherence cohesion
The ideas are organized logically, and the main points are clear and supported with relevant details.

Your opinion

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • beneficiary
  • accountability
  • economic mobility
  • social inequalities
  • subsidized education
  • vocational training
  • deliberate choice
  • earning potential
  • public funding
  • societal benefits
  • innovation
  • self-financing
  • social mobility
  • economic equality
  • grants
  • scholarships
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