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Band 7

It was predicted that with the development of technology, people in the 21st century would have much more free time than past. To what extent has this prediction come true?

#development #technology #people #st #century #time #prediction
It has been frequently argued that the innovation of technologies could allow citizens in the 21st century to enjoy more leisure
time
. In
this
 essay, I would like to shed light on perspective
along with
 my opinion in the upcoming paragraphs. On the one hand, undeniably, with the help of modern technologies, a huge amount of
time
 can be saved both at work and in life.
Firstly
, technological revolutions make people’s offices efficient, so that they have more
time
 to relax.
For example
, many search software makes people find the information they need quickly and easily.
Secondly
,
technology
 can improve the efficiency of daily tasks.
For instance
, household equipment
such
 as washing machines and dishwashers reduce the
time
 spent on housework.
In addition
, online classes help individuals easily acquire knowledge.
Thus
,
this
 can help the public to study anytime and anywhere, saving commuting
time
.
On the other hand
, technological advancements still have some obstacles to our lives. Many people nowadays do not feel they are relieved, they seem to be busier and more stressed. In the workplace, despite the remarkably effective use of
technology
, employees are under high pressure, worrying that they may be replaced by machines or other competitors.
Therefore
, residents have to spend more
time
 learning and honing new skills to secure their jobs.
Technology
 can cause distraction and a lack of focus.
Consequently
, using social networks too much can affect negatively mental health and reduce the quality of square
time
, when users always have to check messages and respond immediately. In conclusion,
while
 there are various reasons why people may be busier in the 21st century, advancements in science and
technology
 have indeed provided individuals with more free
time
 for self-improvement and relaxation.
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

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introduction
The introduction is clear and it outlines the writer's intention to discuss the topic, but it could be slightly more engaging. Try to state your opinion clearly in the introduction to set the tone for the essay.
task response
The essay covers relevant points and provides specific examples, but it would benefit from a more balanced discussion. Both sides of the argument are presented, but the support for main points could be improved with more comprehensive explanations.
coherence
Ensure that each paragraph flows logically into the next. While the essay is generally cohesive, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Using cohesive devices more effectively can help to connect your points better.
conclusion
While the conclusion effectively reiterates the main points, it could be strengthened by summarizing the key arguments and providing a final opinion more explicitly.
support
The essay provides specific examples, such as the use of household equipment and online classes, which add depth to the discussion.
structure
The structure of the essay is clear with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow.
balance
The writer covers both perspectives of the topic, giving a balanced view which is crucial for a high task response score.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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