IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Students should pay the full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#students #cost #study #university #education #individuals #society
In an ever-progressive
society
, many
people
 believe that the full cost of
education
 should be paid by
students
due to
 it provides more benefits for them than
society
.
This
 writer contends that university
education
 primarily advances individual careers,
whereas
 others argue that a more educated population drives innovation and economic growth. The main benefit of
this
 situation is person learn more academic knowledge for their personal career.
In other words
, with higher academic degrees,
people
 can gain a lot of opportunities for promotion and a level salary, contributing to their life becoming better,
hence
 beneficiaries should bear the costs.
For example
, in many countries around the world, the interview of individuals will be assessed better if they have higher and more impression qualifications to attract businesspeople.
Hence
,
according to
 equality,
students
 should pay their own fees for study
due to
 the affection they gain.
However
, there are some opinions of others who think that educated
people
 can help that country in innovation and economic growth. They argue that in the future,
students
 will be the main labour force in the country who will be working for them, so full tuition fees for
students
 can encourage them to learn more knowledge and improve
society
.
This
 is credible, but with investments in personal
education
,
students
 can have higher opportunities for jobs and achievements, that can enhance their own living standard.
Also
, authorities are aware of the unfair advantage to wealthy
students
 if
education
 costs are borne individually, so they have provided many scholarships for poor
students
 to encourage them to continue their studies. In conclusion, study costs should be paid by learners because of the opportunities they gain from it.
However
, in some
people
's opinion, the government should pay all course fees for them
due to
 their devotion to
society
.

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Task Achievement
To strengthen your argument, ensure each paragraph presents a clear main idea supported by specific examples or pieces of evidence. This makes your essay more persuasive and impactful.
Language Proficiency
Improve the range and accuracy of your grammatical structures and vocabulary to enhance clarity and precision in expressing your ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to better connect ideas within and between paragraphs, contributing to a smoother reading experience.
Task Achievement
In discussing both sides of the argument, ensure that you present a balanced overview before stating your position clearly in the conclusion. This shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
You effectively addressed the prompt by discussing both the benefits of individual payment for education and its impact on society, showing a good understanding of the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which aids in making your argument coherent and easy to follow.
Task Achievement
You included relevant examples and reasoning to support your points, which helps in making your argument more persuasive.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • beneficiary
  • accountability
  • economic mobility
  • social inequalities
  • subsidized education
  • vocational training
  • deliberate choice
  • earning potential
  • public funding
  • societal benefits
  • innovation
  • self-financing
  • social mobility
  • economic equality
  • grants
  • scholarships
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