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Writing Samples
Band 8

Too much emphasis is put on going to university for academic studies. We should encourage people to have vocational education since there are not enough qualified businessmen, electricians and plumbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#emphasis #university #studies #people #education #businessmen #electricians #plumbers
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In modern society, the topic of
education
 in universities remains a source of controversy, with some individuals arguing that there should be more emphasis on professional skills. In my view, I completely agree that prioritizing vocational
education
 would be a beneficial change. There are several reasons why less effort should be put into academic studies.
Firstly
, knowledge from textbooks may be too standardized and lack personalized attention. Universities often do not provide sufficient resources for all
students
 to develop their specific interests or talents.
Secondly
, educational outcomes rely too heavily on curricula and examinations, which can mislead
students
 into considering that the only purpose of studying is to achieve high test scores.
Finally
, spending excessive time on research or conducting experiments may lead to a narrow perspective, with
students
 dedicating themselves solely to a certain field. I believe that more attention should be paid to vocational
education
instead
. Nowadays, every profession requires expertise in specific fields and the accumulation of practical experience. With carefully designed curricula and through elaborations and demonstrations by instructors,
students
 can more easily develop these practical skills.
This
 approach facilitates a swift transition from
students
 to employees and promotes quicker integration into society after graduation.
Furthermore
,
this
 focus on vocational training could have significant impacts on both society and individuals. On the one hand, a greater number of qualified professionals will foster innovation and technological development in the workplace, thereby promoting economic growth and social prosperity.
On the other hand
, individuals will benefit from a wider range of career options and a faster path to achieve career advancement. In conclusion, I remain resolutely convinced that vocational
education
 should receive more attention in universities.
While
 there may be some potential drawbacks, the evidence presented above thoroughly supports my stance.
Submitted by 18126275033 on

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task achievement
You could enhance your essay by providing more specific examples to illustrate your points, especially when discussing the lack of personal attention in academic studies and the benefits of vocational training in society.
coherence cohesion
Consider diversifying the sentence structures and incorporating more transitional phrases to further improve the flow and connectivity between ideas.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction clearly outlines your stance on the topic, setting a strong foundation for your argument.
logical structure
The essay maintains a logical structure throughout, with ideas presented in a clear and sequential manner.
supported main points
Your main points are well-supported and contribute effectively to your overall argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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