Some people think that work is the most important thing of people’s life. Without the success of career, life become meaningless. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Success
is more necessary in humans'
lives
because they can achieve everything with the help of it.
However
,
success
comes with
work
that plays an essential role in it. I utterly agree with
this
statement. To start with, the main reason is that doing
work
in their daily life becomes a successful
person
who can not only acquire
success
but
also
earn money in their
lives
.
Moreover
, in
this
modern era, everyone is busy achieving achievement so competition has risen. A significant victory makes a
person
such
as intelligent and calm, has teamwork ability, and how to handle difficult situations efficiently. To illustrate, in Canada and America, people gain victory in every field by doing hard
work
rather than in other countries.
Thus
, being a successful
person
and making a valuable life
then
doing
work
is a major urgent.
Besides
this
, in
this
hectic schedule, humankind knows very well the meaning of
work
because they learn a plethora of things from their parents since they have to face difficulties in their
lives
to achieve something. There is no doubt that every
success
behind a strong story is to get it.
For example
, Harbhajan Singh who plays for Indian cricket gets a name and fame by doing hard
work
because he sets an example for other people, they can get everyone if they do good
work
in their
lives
. In conclusion, becoming a better
person
and getting a victory than doing continuous
work
because every successful man tells a story about his
success
.
Work
is plenty necessary as other things which we are using in our daily chores.
Submitted by harmanpreetkang20 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to maintain a clear and logical structure throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Develop your arguments with specific examples to effectively support your main points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Refine the coherence of your essay by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas.
General
Try to avoid repetition by expanding your vocabulary and employing synonyms where possible.
General
Be cautious of grammatical errors and ensure sentences are well-constructed for clearer communication.
General
Work on establishing a more formal tone consistent with academic writing standards.
Task Achievement
You effectively addressed the topic and provided a clear stance on the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, which frames your essay well.
Task Achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your arguments, enhancing your overall task achievement.

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